Ugh, i'm so happy to have some insight from other people. You guys are the best interpals ! i guess i should sort of look at it like a blessing, now i dont have to worry about if its ever going to transpire into something else, and i was starting to feel pressure in that i didnt know how to make a friendship work when i was catching feelings. When i get that way, i cant just ignore them, but honestly he wasnt right for me and i am lonely and i think thats what it comes down to, he was the only one around and if i truly wanted to BE with him regardless of how depressed and anxiety ridden, id find a way. I think he realized before i did that he wasnt my type and vice versa.

Bagpuss, youre right though, losing the friendship is just as bad as losing a relationship if not worse. That is what is really hitting home, now its going to be titty bomb and him and occasional talks if anything b/w us but again, probably a good thing. Right now, i actually dont feel like talking to him. I need to meet more people anyway. I'm sure i would have done the same too, i've been on the giving and receiving end and maybe this strings from a little jealousy. I'm not too proud to admit that i wish it was me who found someone, who wouldnt? It's human nature.

 Ask me i wont say no, that is why we shouldn't put so much energy into caring about something we are not sure of or if its really early on. It's a bitch and really hard for some people. 

 CJ, i wish i could always read my emotional thermometer but sometimes it never sits still 😛  And no, i didn't love him, to my recolection, if i loved him i would be a hell of a lot more crushed.