Was awake most of the noght, at work now, feel like leaving. Don't think I can help anyone right now, usually able to put my own feelings aside and be there for others but feel very raw today. I am so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't even explain it, guess it doesn't matter, but when lies are told about you and others even admit they lie but to you but continue with the lie, when do you let go, especially when they are your own flesh. The person you fought so hard to bring into the world and attempted to protect from all harm. Did I make mistakes, oh yes I did, won't deny that. But I tried my best. Its hard when they only heard one side since you took the high road and didn't want to tell them all the things their father had said to me about them and how he used them to get back to me. They don't understand. The scariest part for me I think is that I was willing to forgive and move forward, well I feel that is changing. I can forgive but don't think that I can move past this anymore. Sick of being used, by her. She has told me outright that she has used me and lied to her father about me. Then she will just call every once and a while and say something and I am suppose to be there and move forward. Can't do it anymore, she had said she didn't remember all the times we did everything together, how close we were, how she used to brag to her high school friends that her mom was her best friend. Well it has broken my heart forever, but then again I lost my mom early in my life through death. I could not change that no matter how much I tried………I am afraid, afraid that I am letting go and that the next time there is a call or a text I won't respond. Don't think I can take it. Is that wrong? I have created my own little home with my bf who I love very much, and we have our ups and downs like most couples but know that he would always be there for me like me for him. They have their father, they made that line in the sand, not me, I was willing to move forward. Angry, sad. and emotions I can't even explain. Could just be so self destructive right now, but won't, at least will try not to.

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