Today is my "day off". Everyone is gone, either to work or school. So it's just me, and I'm fine with that. The anxiety is much less today, which I'm grateful for. Depression still in swing, but I seem to be holding my own for the time being ~ so I'm just going to enjoy myself and my freedom. After the weekend I always need a break from my family; too much bickering between my son and husband. I can't stand to listen to it. After a short time my fuse is fully lit and I start yelling over them to stop it. And they wonder why I take naps on Sunday…
This morning at 3:30 my husband woke me up because the cat had thrown up on the blanket (on top of me) so we had to pull everything off the bed. Aaron went back to bed afterwards, but as always once I'm awake that's it. So I journaled out on the porch until 6:30 and then got Zach ready to go to school and then dropped him off and came home. I'm really tired now that it's almost 10 a.m. ~ so I think I'm going to take a long nap in a bit. Hard to believe I've been up 7 hours already.
I'm tired of being stuck inside myself. I'm still isolating and not answering the phone or going out. I know I would do better if I made myself do those things, but my attention span is that of a gnat. I spend more time trying to remember what I'm doing than I'm actually doing something, and it's really frustrating. I'm also having a hard time thinking and having conversations ~ which is part of why I avoid the phone calls. I called the doctor today and left him a message and scheduled an appointment with him for next week. That was his earliest open appointment. This time I'm going to write down everything I've been experiencing (I do much better making lists than I do talking) and take it to him. I hope he can find a mix of meds this time that will work for me. He'll probably up my anti-depressants and give me something to replace the Cogentin. I thought better on it, and my memory was somewhat more reliable. And I felt more able to function while I was on it, but the side effects were too difficult to handle. I can only hope that he's got some ideas already.
I'm going to go eat some cereal and then lay down. I'm going to find a nice, quiet warm spot in the sunlight and try to get some good rest. Thank you to all of you that read my blogs and have continued to be so supportive since I started having this major depressive episode months ago. I wish I could hug each of you personally. You all have been my saving grace.