Its official, my former close friend (the one who used to suffer from depression and has not been here for me since recovering) is not going to be here for me anymore. I am so very proud of her for getting stronger and working so hard on herself. She has come a very long way. I am deeply saddened that part of her moving on with her life includes moving on from me as well though.
Her husband is also sad. He's always (and I did too) thought our friendship was good for the both of us. She has been keeping her distance since August though. I confronted her about it and she pretty much said that sometimes its too hard for her to hear where I am since she cant help (though listening does wonders to help me) and she has become so busy and doesnt want to lean on me any longer. So she wants to learn to stand alone mostly, doesnt have time to talk with me more than hi, hows the weather and how are you?, and doesnt want to stand by and support me if things get a bit icky.
Its official. I know dont have anyone who knows me well who will stand by me or listen to me talk about things that are bothering me. I try to talk to people here but you know…..sometimes you just want to vent to someone that you dont have to explain the back story on everything….because they already know it. It takes a long time to develop a friendship like that.
My husband tries but ther are limits to what he can handle. Its very hard for him (because of his childhood) to see me lost. He gets very scared and ends up not being able to help me or him. So I can lean on him, but not fully……if that makes sense.
I'm very very sad, feeling very lonely and rather adrift in a sea of aquaintances. Before this lady and I became fast friends years ago I swore I would go back to never having friends. Never letting anyone see my guard down. She snuck in at the right time and we have been more like sisters for years than friends. She had some awful troubles with depression but this last year has been much better for her. I am glad to have gotten to know her but the last thing I really needed right now was to lose my last strong support beam for good. I knew it was cracked but it still held me up in emergencies. Now it is gone. It took me a long while to trust her. Ending this way…….idk if I will ever be able to trust someone like that again. I had to work so very hard to trust her and when it doesnt turn out well at all its ever so much harder the next time. Wish we had ended on better terms and I hadnt gotten hurt so much. Oh well though. One less thing to worry about now, right?
i dont know what to say…if shes was your friend she still would of been there….i dont know why she has walked away? hmmmm your not alone…you need to get your husband to read and do reseach on your depression so he can help you. a person who is doing better tends to get away from the negativity if someone like us is in the depressed mode..yes its hard to be happy when your around sad people….but you can learn from people who are happy and see what makes them happy to. sometimes we forget the things in front of us can make us happy, we are not different then anyone else. we can be happy like them to…we jsut havnt seen our light that makes us smile again….remember your husband may not be able to help you but at least he can hold you or talk to you when u r down. im alone i dont have anyone and its hard for me to tell myself to get it back together when im alone sometimes…..if you didnt have your chidlren or your husband do you think you would of made it this far alone? im alone but i refuse to die without a fight,,,,i have some bad days but i find away to survive alone… i think you have the strength……ur stilll walking up that hill but you havent stopped your doing good with or without your friend…………….