I have been so angry!!! I am so frustrated with my life right now!!!! Had several manic episodes since Wednesday…all at home, screaming, no violence or throwing of things like i have in the past. i have been very grumpy and distant at work. There is too much to deal with and i feel soooo overwelmed. I am trying to do all the work since the part time girl left so i can get a raise….i have been flooded with 3 months of work all at once and am so stressed. working double time to get through it with no breaks…i was too wiped to go out and have fun, was supposed to meet someone but had to cancel. i hope i am stable enough to meet him soon….he is nice and wished me well and to call and let him know how im doing, that is so sweet. feels like i will always be a mess and my life is too crazy for any hope of a relationship….school is hard too. i have no free time…always work work work. i feel like a machine…GRRRRRR!!! it is so hard for me to control my anger, but i am trying, real struggle to calm down, but i can…i am trying to handle it, i really am, but too much is too much, i feel like a failure by taking a step back or asking for help, there is no one to help me anyway, have to do it all on my own…have to force my self to calm down and slow down…achhhh. hafta go to an art gallery and wrtie a report and study for a test….wahhhh i want to relax or have fun…try to do it at a calm pace and do SOMETHING fun tonight, rent a movie, trying to be good to my self is sooo hard, tendencey to beat myself into submission….i am my own tormentor and worst enemy….deep breaths deep breaths, it’ll be ok….one thing at a time

3 Comments
  1. sunny_side_down 14 years ago

    I think you’re expecting too much from yourself. I don’t think anyone would be able to stay “stable” for long, doing all that you’re doing. You’re not a failure. Don’t beat yourself up over this. It’s normal to need rest. The only advice I can give on this is to try to focus on one thing at a time and don’t let your mind stray into thinking, “I have so much to do!” cuz that can really boost your stress levels and you’d be distracted from getting things done from feeling so overwhelmed. YOU WILL get the things done. 🙂 Good luck and take care of yourself. <3

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  2. esoterycka 14 years ago

    thanks for the comments. im feeling better, got to the art gallery and wrote the paper, only one page. it was very calming to go there and look at the art, and it was by the ocean too, stopped for a while and chilled on the beach…i feel better, going to take care of myself tonight, rented two movies and ordering pizza 🙂

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  3. sorrowfulpoet 14 years ago

    Keep working at it, it can be so frustrating when so much is coming at you at once.
    You can do it.

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