For those of you who don't know my parents are very ill. Both of them have a failing heart my mom worse than my dad.  My dad's doctor said his kidneys have stopped going down hill and will be ok for another 6 months to a year but stress or something to happen to upset him his heart will go.  He said there is nothing more they can do for him.  If they try any procedures it will kill him because of his heart.  Two times now I've had my 4yr old grandson around him and he jumped on the couch and my dad jumped up thinking he got hurt…I thought it was gonna happen then.  He has to sleep sitting up in a hospital type chair that moves into any position and even helps him get up out of it.  If he lays down he stops breathing so he's made the chair his bed.

Mom has a pace maker to help her heart not stop and normally she would only have one or two incidents where the pace maker had to take over but in the last few months with my dad having another heart attack, kidneys failing and all their bad news she's  had over a dozen incidents.  She has always been the one to want you to come over and visit and now she has to go lay down which she'd never have done with people there.  She apologizes profusely but no one is bothered by it if she has to lay down then she has to lay down.  My sister who is in the medical field said this is the first sign there is too much stress on her heart.  She has to lay down because her heart is stressing and she has no energy to even wallk.  Every time I call she's laying down now.  I've been having a reoccuring nightmare that we are at the funeral home and it's mom in the casket and dad standing beside me with tears rolling down his face.  Then later that day after the funeral dad went too…

They have made all the funeral arrangements so my sister and I won't have to do anything except call the funeral home but to me doing all this preparation makes me feel almost like they've given up but I know they haven't yet.  They are in so much pain I almost wish it was time so the pain would go away and the thought of them wondering if they will wake up tomorrow and what the other would do.  I cry every night knowing tomorrow could be that day, I cringe when the phone rings thinking it's the day but so far they are still with us.  My mom has always been my best friend and the only one who has understood my illness with this depression and other things wrong with me, she listens.  I forgave my dad 5yrs ago for things that happened in my childhood so now I need him to be around more so we can really get to know each other and share our lives but I know it's all going to be taken away soon.

For those of you who pray could you say a small prayer that the pain eases up for them and when they pass it's peaceful?  thank you….