Hi. I’ve tried pushing down what I thought I could manage. I used to have severe depression in high school. I lived with my siblings and my parents, one of which is an addict. I couldn’t take it anymore so after one failed suicide attempt I held on to whatever strength I had left with the thought that once I’m done with high school I could move out go to college and escape the toxicity that was my environment. I left across the country and felt even more alone because I didn’t know how to open up to anyone. So I moved again to NYC which was the best thing I’ve ever done. I blossomed there and felt the happiest I’ve ever been. After college it became too expensive to live there so I had to leave. Ever since then I’ve been trying to make my way back to NYC because that’s what I’ve been associating happiness with. That’s where I felt most myself. It’s been starting to feel farther out of reach and somewhere between then and the years that passed I have felt like I’ve been losing myself slowly and I don’t know how to get myself back. Yes, I have had some good times in between but they’re very fleeting. Now I feel like I have no one and depression has been getting worse. For people that don’t have it it just seems like I’m constantly negative and it’s frustrating for them to be around me and it’s frustrating for me because I’m drowning more and more each day. I’m just hoping I can find a community of people that understand what it’s like so I finally have some people I can talk to.