This has been a difficult time for me. My OCD has really spiraled out of control lately. It all started from my fears of  Swine Flu. I have had other experiences in my life where it has felt like this. During these times it feels like the anxiety is overflowing and cannot stop. When this has happened it has affected me at work and with my family and husband. I have had to take a leave of absence. I am worried because I am going through this again. I have gone to therapy for my OCD on and off  since I was diagnosed with the OCD about 17 years ago. I am embarassed to admit that because I thought that the therapy was working and I was feeling better, I stopped and didnt’tcontinue the therapy.  I know that is a mistake.  I also have problems because I worry that I am doing or saying the wrong thing because I have trouble dealing with difficult  people (i.e. bosses, children) and its going to effect my job.  I have seen a therapist who I really liked but he is about an hour away from me when I used to live and  due to his hours and location, its difficult to see him on a consistent basis. I am extremely nervous now because I need to find another therapist and it seems really overwhelming because I feel in a time crunch. I am trying to take a leave of absence from work and I am worried because I dont’ know how long it will take to find a good therapist who treats OCD and is near where I live. I thought it would be helpful to share my feelings with others who have OCD and may have gone through this situation. I feel very alone right now. I have a supportive family but I feel bad because I have put them through a lot but I feel so lost and scared right now and I am trying to find my bearings. I also take medicine and also saw my psychiatrist because I wasn’t sure if the medicine was not working. I had increased one medicine through his advice in the recent past but I have experienced horrible headaches from it. So he decided to supplement it recently with another medicine, but I am sure it will take time for it to kick in.

I am sorry for this long winded message but I really needed to get my thoughs out there. I also find when I have a lot of anxiety like this, its easier to write down my thoughts than to say them.

Thank you all for listening.

4 Comments
  1. ManInBlack 12 years ago

    Hi- I understand completely what you are saying. I decided to stop taking medication back in April of this year thinking I would be fine without it so I gradually reduced the meds and then stopped. About a month later when the medication had probably left my system, my OCD started again. I have contagion scenarios mainly dealing with HIV and Rabies and Hyper-Responsibilty. I had an AIDS test back in 2005 when I was married (and freaking out) which was negative of course. I am now divorced and OCD has pretty much ended my possible exposure to HIV as I have not dated since then but of course OCD will tell me otherwise and I worry about exposing other people to it even though I don’t really have a  solid reason to be afraid. I had a counselor back then but she wasn’t helping much. She didn’t do CBT and insurance won’t pay for it anyway. I’ve been looking for a counselor as well. It’s hard to find someone good for sure. I did go see my psychiatrist and got back on the meds but they take a while to kick in so life has been sucking alot lately. I take 200 mg of Zoloft and a .25mg pill of Rispedal- I guess I should clarify that I will be at 200mg by next week- I have to start slow even though I’d like to chug the bottle- 🙂 What meds are you on? You are feeling stressed because of the time crunch and your job which is in turn driving your OCD. It does take time for meds to start working- I know the wait is hellish because I’m back here at the start again so I can relate. I know the Swine Flu is scary but I think the OCD is making you think more about it than you need to. The thing to remember is that you aren’t alone-There’s alot of us out here in the wasteland. You do the best you can- I know it’s tough on family and friends- My OCD was the final nail in the coffin for my marriage- It’s hard to explain something that feels so real and scary to people who haven’t experienced it. Try to find some peace in your heart and I’ll do the same and maybe the sun will shine for us all at some point. Talking here is free by the way and writing makes me a little less insane as well.

    “That’s the scary part. I didn’t know if I should smile, crack up, scream or run.” -The  Wizard of Oz

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  2. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    I didn’t think your blog was longwinded.  I am truly glad you have a supportive family.  Families can have their own hangups which prevent them from being supportive.  I am glad your"s are.  I think you said something very important which should be helpful in getting you through the between times.  You said you feel better when you write about it (ocd).  It was easier than talking bout it. ( No one is interrupting your train of thought.)  Journaling your ocd thoughts is a very good strategy for de-energizing the thoughts.  I believe thoughts are like energy packets and you can defuse them by writing about what’s going on with you.  You can write the thoughts, how they make you feel and how you feel about those thoughts, and the thoughts you would choose if you did not  have intrusive thoughts.  Hope this suggestion works at least untl you get a therapist.  Oh, let me add one more thing.  OCD is a chronic condition, it comes and it recedes as you already stated, but it can always reoccur, so, instead of quitting a therapist, just increase time between visits, so maybe they are once a week, then every other week, then every third week, the once a month, then every other month, then every two months, You get the gist so that at some point you and the therapist are meeting once or twice a year. In the mantime you are not starting from scratch.  Best of luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  3. TravelLuv1600 12 years ago

    Thank you for all your kind and supportive comments. I just also want to add, did any of you have to go through the process of finding a new therapist and how was that for you?  Also, did you have to repeat therapy after getting a relapse and how did you handle that?

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  4. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    The way I do it, is to ask my primary care physician to recommend someone she has worked with.

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