This has been a difficult time for me. My OCD has really spiraled out of control lately. It all started from my fears of Swine Flu. I have had other experiences in my life where it has felt like this. During these times it feels like the anxiety is overflowing and cannot stop. When this has happened it has affected me at work and with my family and husband. I have had to take a leave of absence. I am worried because I am going through this again. I have gone to therapy for my OCD on and off since I was diagnosed with the OCD about 17 years ago. I am embarassed to admit that because I thought that the therapy was working and I was feeling better, I stopped and didnt’tcontinue the therapy. I know that is a mistake. I also have problems because I worry that I am doing or saying the wrong thing because I have trouble dealing with difficult people (i.e. bosses, children) and its going to effect my job. I have seen a therapist who I really liked but he is about an hour away from me when I used to live and due to his hours and location, its difficult to see him on a consistent basis. I am extremely nervous now because I need to find another therapist and it seems really overwhelming because I feel in a time crunch. I am trying to take a leave of absence from work and I am worried because I dont’ know how long it will take to find a good therapist who treats OCD and is near where I live. I thought it would be helpful to share my feelings with others who have OCD and may have gone through this situation. I feel very alone right now. I have a supportive family but I feel bad because I have put them through a lot but I feel so lost and scared right now and I am trying to find my bearings. I also take medicine and also saw my psychiatrist because I wasn’t sure if the medicine was not working. I had increased one medicine through his advice in the recent past but I have experienced horrible headaches from it. So he decided to supplement it recently with another medicine, but I am sure it will take time for it to kick in.
I am sorry for this long winded message but I really needed to get my thoughs out there. I also find when I have a lot of anxiety like this, its easier to write down my thoughts than to say them.
Thank you all for listening.