Today i woke up at 8am of my own accord for the first time in a long time. I was so proud of myself. Now I started planning my day and what food I was going to eat. This hasn't happened in a long time. And then I started to reflect on how my eating habits affected my weigh in with my nurse two weeks ago. And this happened because I have a weigh in tomorrow!
I realised that things went wrong last time because i was emotionally eating – I dont know why. Usually I can work out what it is that causes me to overeat or eat crap. But last time i had no idea! And looking back, I saw how my bf brought home all these foods that I comfort ate with. I spoke to him about it, and asked if he could stop bringing these home and he said well you just say no – its not that hard!!!! which really peed me off, and was sooooo hypocritical – he was really angry when the nurse said that to me, and here was saying it to me himself!!! SO I explained how hard it was for me, and he just shrugged, and I asked him if he could give up 3 of the things he loves and eat daily almost, and he said yes. But a few hours later he had given up and when I asked why he had broken my promise, he just looked at me and said what promise – I never promised you that! Thanks for the support!!
So today, with my progress, I realise that I cant count on him. I need to find the strength from within and not find support from him. And punching the crap out of a punch bag is one way I find the strength from deep down, and motivate me into doing something good! So I am seeing clearly for the first time, and finally understanding and feeling what it is that people have been telling – stop relying on him, and find the strength from within myself to make change. I am a little sad that it has taken me a long time to feel and really understand this. But I am not going to revel in this, I am going to get on with my life! take care everyone, and thanks for the support!