People self harm for different reasons. I don't know how mine specificallyoccurred..okay actually i lied. it was my first day at a new job and i was nervous as hell, countless things went wrong. I was cutting lining paper with a very sharp blade. I got SO stressed, in tears and everything and in desperation i held the blade against my wrist and cut. i felt oddly relieved afterwards. So whenever i got upset i would reach out for for this blade. I thought it would just be a phase but somehow i got it into my head that its ok, so after a week or so my arms, left arm in particular looked a bloody mess! Awkward huh..because in my other job i have to wear a t-shirt! i started covering my cuts with make-up and paint! Not one of my brightest ideas, it wasn't until i text my friend who said it could get infected, did i start to worry. I guess this was my punishment, I didn't self harm for a week or so after this and my cuts gradually started to fade, they were almost clear but something else came along to upset me, i can't remember what but it got to me! and i cut my arms furiously, worse than before! And then next thing i know it spring came along acting like summer so out came the t-shirts..oh dear. it hit me, about a week ago, my legs? easier to hide..and i already had an excuse ready: "i walked through some brambles". Last cuple of days its been shorts&t-shirts weather!!oh dear oh dear..my cuts were blantently visible in the sunlight.
-
Meds
solitary_siren, , Depression, 1
13 days ago I had yet another meltdown at work, seemingly caused by nothing. It was at that point,...
-
Day 2 * * * I look to you
Ladybug23, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Relationships, Religion, Sleep Disorders, 1
Hmmm.. Day two on meds and off of work..1/2 Cipralix and 10mg of Synthroid. No nausea this morning and...
-
Busy Weekend… But Relaxing and Fun!
DarkHollywood, , Depression, Relationships, 0
Yesterday I went over to my best friend Mike's house with a few friends, had a little "day party"...
-
Online dating
TessErin, , Depression, Anxiety, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sleep Disorders, 1
Please don't laugh at me for my inexperience when it comes to relationships with guys. I made the mistake...
-
Shackled to the Wind Like a Butterfly
sosgirl, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Parenting, Relationships, Social Anxiety, Spirituality, Weight Loss, 0
Mmm, throw a bunch of words together, and suddenly it's a metaphor! Teenage angst underlying deep regret and even...
-
The movies
soullessbvblover, , Depression, Anxiety, 0
Today has been a very long day. Again I wasn't able to stay as long as I wanted to...
-
“Don't Quit”
Denise_Nicole, , Depression, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, 2
Don't Quit When things go wrong as they sometimes will,When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,When funds are...
-
Some days are harder than others
Chad7000, , Depression, Depression, 1
Today is just a weird day. I donβt know why I am not in a better mood. Yesterday was...
Hi, thanks for commenting.
i'm not too sure if i like the idea of self harm either! but its become a habit now so im sort of stuck with it. Trust me i'm trying to find healthier ways to express myself, like writing this blog for example. it's just when im alone usually after being around people all day i need some 'me time' and thats when things go downhill for me. of course i feel fustrated at myself, i feel it 24/7
hey there,
Firstly I want to say good on you for blogging this! It's hard sometimes to find the strength and even the energy to write about it – for me, anyway. I have problems with hot weather too. People ask a lot of questions when I'm the only one in long sleeves and jeans.
I'm 16 and have been cutting for about 5 years I think. But I have hurt myself in different ways for as long as I can remember. As for your social anxiety, I get where you're coming from there because I have a social anxiety disorder.
With the friends you have mentioned..It's a tough one because some people just dont GET it. They might want to help desperately and be there for you, but I don't think anyone who doesn't SH can ever really understand it or the feelings different people feel to trigger it. Hell, even I don't understand my own triggers most of the time I don't think. It sounds like you really need/want someone you can talk to all of this about without them leaving. And the more people that leave the harder it gets to trust again, ey?!
So you've said you're scared about ..well, a lot of things. But the way I see that is that it's a challenge – or a heap of challenges if that's how you are. How great will you feel about yourself if and when you tell that fear to stick it, and you push past to reach your goal. Even if it's something small. Your future prospects don't suck, you just haven't yet found what you're looking for in life
I'm not feeling so great right now, and there are so many thoughts I feel I need to respond to you with, but nothing is coming out right at the moment. I guess I just want to say that you're stronger than you think, you CAN do it with or without these people if you have to, and it will work out. The fact that you want to stop cutting is a massively awesome thing in a crappy situation. I saw your comment below about needing 'me time' and going downhill at this time – I'm the same there.
I'm younger than you, I know, but I'm the same in the way that all my friends are guys and older too. And I'd like to think my voice still matters even though I'm not an adult. Sometimes I do wonder.
It's not the same as having someone you know well to talk to, but just know that if you ever want to talk the offer's here. Maybe we could swap some stories and share some 'coping' strategies. Your call. I'll keep an eye out for your blogs from now on anyway
Take care π
Thanks alot for your comments. Galloping_sam. i'd love to talk some more with you π do you have msn or anything?
i had a rare day off yesterday and i went to the beach with my mum, boyfriend and my sister.. i had such a nice day! cheered me up loads. but back to reality now.. just finished a 9 hour shift, and got 10 hour shifts up till tuesday now π i hate it..pressure is unbelievable!
im sorry to hear you've felt like this for so long..its very tough to be a teenager nowadays :p ive got a few months left of it! but im not getting my hopes up..not much will change i reckon.
and thanks littleangel im thankful for what you have to say π hope your well peeps xx