13 days ago I had yet another meltdown at work, seemingly caused by nothing. It was at that point, on the advice of a truly brilliant colleague, that I finally went to the doctors and asked point blank to be put on anti depressants. The doctor I saw was new to me, and I was very afraid that as in the past I would be told no. She was fantastic though and put me on Sertraline straight away. I've been on Citalopram before so I'm glad she didn't put me on that again.
I guess it's probably too early to tell but honestly I'm feeling so much better, whether that be because of the drugs or just that life has been slightly less stressful lately. I was dizzy for the first few days and I've noticed I've got dry mouth, other than that though I see no discernable side effects. Better still I went back after a week and my doctor has given me a months worth of tablets, despite the fact I took an overdose in August. I was very surprised but she said she felt she could trust me and she believed in me. Whether or not medically that was the right thing to do it did wonders for my self-esteem.
A few people at work know I'm on antidepressants, a couple of colleagues I'm really close to and my line manager. My housemates, a couple of my best friends and the guy I'm seeing also know, I don't feel as ashamed now as I have in the past. I really wanted to try and get past everything without drugs but to be honest after everything I've gone through this year alone I think I've done the right thing.
I'm feeling really positive about things and hope that I may finally find the peace I've spent years looking for. We'll have to wait and see, I guess.