I've woken up in a bad mood. I always have bad dreams at the moment, they are every night and are relentless. That's not helping how I'm feeling.

Yesterday I found out that my horrible ex is seeing/sleeping with someone else. It's not the first person I've heard about but this one lives in our town and is friends with some of my friends, as well as the mouthy bitch from work who will endeavour to tell me every little detail in order to get a rise (a real cow). Why did he have to pick someone so close to my proximity? Selfish right through, he is. I hate that he gets to carry on like normal after all of this. After him nearly breaking my thumb, bruising me, leaving me to deal with the miscarriage, abandoning me after the knife assault, why does he get to carry on as normal? It's not f**king fair. I'd love to date, I'd love to have enough of a libido to be shagging around as he is, or even just to meet someone who makes me feel happy and a bit more normal. I have to work hard just to be around myself at the moment, and get through each day to some degree without thinking about ending it all. Not everything that has happened was his fault but he had a massive part to play, all that bullshit he gave me about 'I'm going to get help for my anger' and 'I need to change and be alone for a while' that he said as we parted ways was really for my benefit, and I was stupid enough to believe him. He's fine, which I am disgusted at because it means he's just a horrible person.

The worst part is I know him, and I know what he will say. I will be painted as crazy, and he will make blanket statements like 'I did things wrong too but that's in the past now', the sort of vague psuedo-responsible statements saved only for the sociopathic and the manipulative. The truth of my suffering at his hands will remain between me and him forever, and for that I really really hate him.

Rant over, sorry.


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