I was just curious as to the use of pharmaceuticals, legal and illegal of tribe members. I used to condemn substance abuse, and I still don\’t necessarily condone it. But I suffered severe depression and anxiety for months until I began taking xanax on a regular basis (with a prescription). Since then my life has been a blessing. I actually look forward to getting up every day.
When I was a kid I used to smoke lots of weed, and I figured I was just doing it for fun back then, even though the counselor said I was trying to escape from reality. But knowing that I rely on a controlled substance (again, prescribed) to keep me sane, I can appreciate people who self-medicate using things like pot, and am less quick to condemn them.
Personally, I\’ve never had a problem with alcohol. I drink two beers and I\’m tired, lol.. But my dad self-medicates using martini\’s every night. He will come home completely stressed out. I don\’t think he\’s ever been diagnosed, but he clearly has some anxiety/stress disorder. So he comes home every night and gets thoroughly buzzed.
I actually had a doctor at KU Med Center tell me if I lost my appetite because of HIV, I should smoke a marijuana cigarette, and I\’ve told people I know the only way I would get high again on weed was if I was critically ill and a doc told me pot would be the best thing. Even then, I would look around for other drugs, legal ones, that could help manage the pain.
So I was curious, is there anyone else who relies on medications, legal or illegal, to control their emotional issues. Or for that matter, to control the pain of being sick. That is, if you\’re willing to "out" yourself. If not you can message me.
I\’ve simply come to appreciate that I myself need something. Before I started xanax I was going insane on a daily basis. I would wonder when I was going to get anxious, and would instantly psyche myself into being anxious/depressed. It was like I couldn\’t control my own thoughts. I was dealing with all kinds of religious obsessions, obsessing about my character, I had all kinds of fears that I was going to commit some kind of wrongdoing or fall off and lose my Christianity. It was 24/7 with me. I\’ve tried cognitive therapy and nothing seems to help, so I\’ve come to rely completely on the medication. And if I am about to run out, I will start scrambling to get more, because I can\’t bear the thought of losing control of my sanity again.
I do self medicate…I was on a .25 mg dose, and I rarely asked my doctor to write me a script because I didn’t think I needed it. I thought my problem was depression. But when I didn’t have any, I asked my grandma to loan me a couple (she takes them too). And she takes .50 mg. I ended up having to take two to have any effect.
So when I got my script refilled, I just assumed I needed 1mg. And I took it 3 times a day, which is what the frequency was on the smaller dose.
I am not addicted to it, but I do recognize that it controls my insane anxiety and obsessive nature.
Now I am in the bad position of having changed my dose on my own, so my doctor is naturally upset and doesn’t want to call me back. So now I am just going to have to suffer until he will see me.