I've been quite for awhile now, uncommunicative if you will. Things have been strained mom is back in the hospital. My emotions are all over the place.

Its the holiday season again, I feel mixed over it. Thanksgiving was sad for mom due to the fact there was no turkey dinner or family or anything, plus she was sick. We didn't have food except 15 bean soup and i made turkey burgars, sometimes i just, well never mind. Still eating 15 bean soup, lol. Can't wait til I get my FS so I can have mom a real meal, its so hard with her being a dibetic and we don't have the proper things for her to eat, she just keeps losing weight and she ran out of her testing strips for her sugar, the govt. changed and will not cover them. I myself just keep gaining weight due to eating things that will stay with me all day, over the last 3 weeks or so I've just simply lost my appitate and when i quite eating I gain weigh too, damed if i do damed if i don't , lol.

I've been asked out and am talking with some men whom are interested in me but I'm just so damaged no one will probably be able to put up with my constant anger, depression, needness, lashing out, tears, fears,past,all of my current problems, no money, job, car, the list goes on.

I've been keeping busy cleaning up what I have left from, well you guys no the story. I'm just staying as busy as I can, that's why I've been distant, quite. It has nothing to do with my friends here, I will always need you and you no who you are…

I've been living in confusion, I'm confused about how ppl say they love you but then are gone, I'm confused about not getting attached to the things we work for in life, but yet as i let go of material things I just don't get it.I am so confused…….