It's not easy to define being lonely. In fact, it is quite difficult to describe. Imagine being in a room filled with the people in your life; however, you feel as if you are alone. That is how I feel at the moment, and how I have been feeling for some time.

Since this is my first blog, I'll let you all know a little about myself. I'm a sophomore in college and 19 years old. I did well in school last year by making the dean's list both semesters and staying out of trouble. I am only about 3 hours away from my home in Virginia. I grew up as an only child and had a fair share of family issues involving fights, abuse, etc. During later high school years, I became very close with each of my parents. 

I've noticed the past 6 months I've been showing signs of depression and the signs are worsening and becoming more frequent. The summer was miserable for me, although for no particular reason. I was just "sad". I didn't get out much mostly due to lack of motivation and lack of interest. My parents just assuming I felt ill or that I was tired from work. (My mom was in her our world battling her depressive bipolar disorder). I figured being back at college would change my mood, but to my surprise being back has made everything worse. I have friends here and have recently met lots of new students, although I do not feel particularly close to any of these people. My best friend is at a school in VA and we barely talk anymore due to her best friends at school. I find myself not even wanting to be social with my friends at college, for what reason I am unaware. I'm not trying to isolate myself but I almost can't help it. The first week I was back at college I didn't even leave my room. There are times that I'm at a high and really happy for a certain reason but that doesn't even tend to last a full day. I cry a few times each day for no particular reason. I'll just think of something (that usually would not make me sad at all) and I'll tear up. Almost every little thing upsets me. I feel as if I am on an emotional roller-coaster and I don't know how to get off.

For example, today after I went to dinner with my friends here at school I came back to my room and have been sitting on my bed ever since (including now). I've just been laying here, letting thoughts run through my mind. I have no energy or motivation to hang out with friends, study, or do anything else. This isn't like me at all. I've been in one place the past 5 hours and I honestly can't say I've done a thing. I feel useless.

I hope others can relate to me and we can work through our issues together. I'd just like someone to talk to is all. I feel like I don't have anyone who will take me seriously or relate. 

Take care,

E