So I am sitting her having a lot of feelings. I am sad, scared and very lonely. Through the years of my recovery I have put myself with a group of people that I respected and now it is all changing. So does life and stuff but it really sucks. I see the changes for the better in my life and see the insanity in others that I really don't want to be invovled with . I look at them, and they are me. My friends are a reflection of who I am today, not happy with that. So I am now struggaling with it. One of the people that I am not happy about is my sponsor. I once again neeed to get a new one. I don't like doing this at all. So I am trying to deal with how to break it off and who to get. Around here there isn't alot of women that have what I want. And it isn't much, someone who talks to you, calls you back and who WORKS the STEPS. And there is not really anyone that falls into those three things. Sucks!!

Then there is me and my boyfriend. He just left to go to California to see his mom who is starting Kemo. His brother, who he used to get high with, is now getting high again. So I am really afraid for him. He is coming up on his five years in a little over a month and I think he is in a good place with recovery but emotions. He is very emotional and is dealing with something foriegn to him three thiousand miles away from his program and support group.

So I am trying to deal the best I can with what I have. But right at htis moment I feel as if I don't have much. Nothing almost. I am clean and that is about it.(  which is huge) But sometimes that isn't enough. I see alot of people go out during this time and I don't want to be one of them. So wish me luck in the search for the sponsor. Once again!!!!