Yesterday, at kinky figure drawing, Mags and I stepped out for a cigarette.  On the way back in a man in scrubs got on the elevator with us.  Maggie recognized him from the tricked out apartment we had just been in, and decided to make friendly conversation.  She asked, based on his get up, if he was a dentist.  He replied that he was a massage therapist.  She innocently asks, "do you massage the models."  He replies, "only Mistress" So-and-so (obviously names, even fantasy titles, aren’t appropriate for sharing).  Mags and I smile and nod, and as we get off the elevator, he puts on a surgical mask – Mags looks at him, genuinely perplexed.  He responds meekly, "I have a cold."

I later explained to Mags that the Mistress of the house makes all her house slaves wear scrubs and a mask and such when they’re in her home.  I got a glance at her bedroom (there was a clear view from where we were seated), and there was a bondage swing over the bed, and a cage under it (with a mat and a small pillow – presumably where the slaves sleep).  In the room where was a wall of steel bars to bind people to, in the room where we sketched.  It was used, of course – a woman posed with a whip behind a naked man who was quite expertly bound to the bars.  I am not particularly skilled with the whole figure drawing thing, but I could see improvement in my work by the end of the night, and it was fun.  There were little know tying and cling wrap binding demos, and it was basically a good time.  Charlie liked some of my sketches – he really liked some odd abstract sh*t I came up with.  I will probably go back.  I am seriously looking forward to the next "Kinky Camera" meet up – that will enable me to get some shots for my portfolio that I otherwise could not (cannot otherwise afford space and models – a group going in on such a thing obviously changes the math).  I am interested in this for artistic reasons, of course, but I have no doubt that my being a freak plays into it.  All the same, my page on meetup makes it clear that I am not seeking romance/action at these events.  Just like-minded cats to rock out with…  and, obviously, I want to create something worth putting out there. 

I hate feeling like I’m not putting anything worthwhile out there, into the greater scheme.  I know I’m pretty tiny in the scheme of things, but we all are, individually, and we all have our little parts to play, just like every other creature on earth serves some purpose onto each other, and the earth.  We are the freaks, of course – the ones who live at odds with themselves and their earth…  but, there still has to be some sense to it all.  Some rhyme and reason…  some universal truth…  some purpose that we’re supposed to serve, collectively, or alone.  Maybe not…

I don’t really know.