I don't what is up or down anymore. What I thought was one thing is now another. He seams to be the right guy but every now and again he does something that reminds me of my past relationships and how they seamed to only care about themselves. I wish I could just know the truth. Like I could read his mind.  Then I could know if my fears are true or just a figment of my emaginaton. I hate not knowing if I am realy right or not. Some of the things he does just makes me wonder if everything he says is true. He seam so sincer when he tells me how he feels about me and that he wants to be with me only. I just somethings I have found on my own makes me think otherwise.  I mentioned before that we are trying to have a baby. Wel it is going to cost some money fr me to get the reversal and we have that on a card. I found out that he used that card that is for the baby only and it was a good amount. I know he used it for online gambleing but I just can''t prove it unless I confront him. We have been in that converstion before and it feels so bad to tell him I know it makes me feel so shameful that I went snooping but he shouldn't have done it. I am so lost in myself on whether or not I say anything to him or not. I want to say something soon before he gambles are chances away. I think what hurts the most is he has lied to me when I have asked sertain question pertaining to him useing the card the money is on. It also hurst that he thinks he has gotten away with it and that I have no clue. He thinks I am clueless. All I have been feeling like doing is crying my eyes out and banging my head against the wall. Erg!!!!