I’m so 😬😬😬😬. I just got done crying really hard and hyperventilating and I started writing a blog and it disappeared (we’ve all been there) but anywhozie…….
So since January I’ve been coming to the end of a loooooooooooong road. As a family member once kindly told me (in front of other family members yay),” your not a little girl anymore”. That’s what I’m feeling the heaviest these days because even way, way, yeeeeeeaaaaaaaarssss before I developed fucking dissociative disorder, I felt this way. I did and I still do. So, no indeed, I am NOT a little girl anymore but I still feel the same. I still feel the same.
I’ve been experiencing the same battle between passion for life and self digestion. And all these years, I honestly never evereverevereverEVER expected to stay. But now I’m sure.
I’m all out, you guys. I’m all out of fight.
I always fought myself bc I simply don’t want to be sad forever which is what I am naturally. The only solution I could ever think of was suicide but nope. I’m gonna be. I’m gonna be sad forevs and evs😀. Yay me.
Yeah this is and has been since January, the end of a veeeeerrrryyyy lloooooooong fight against the possibility of being depressed forever because of something that is out of my control–my genetics. I know, I know I’m a cliche, but then again we all are.
I can only write out of inspiration. I think I’m done. But my goal is to connect to people like me, people with emotional problems like me. Because it’s what I need. What we all need fucking obviously right.
I’ve never understood my seesaw emotions, but I do understand, now, that I never have and I never will understand which is…….good God…..its oooooooooh soooooo hard to accept.
(These things always end up being so much longer than I anticipate✌🏾😁luv ya bc why not)