Wow I am anxious today. Yesterday, I had a mini anxiety attack and did alot of cleaning with hubby yesterday. Went to sit down and was just feeling like I wanted to climb out of my skin and felt like I couldn't breath.  I am not going to let this discourage me though. I am still going to get done everything I planned on getting done. I made up my mind a while back that anxiety was no longer going to be an excuse to avoid life. Yes cleaning and moving around the past couple of days has made me pretty uncomfortable but it always passes and it will pass this time as well.

   I have noticed the more I avoid things because of my anxiety the worse my anxiety seems to be because of my thoughts. So atleast if I am not avoiding stuff then I don't feel trapped because of my anxiety. I really hated thinking that anxiety was keeping me from living my life. It's not. Anxiety can not keep you from living your life. You keep you from living your life. Yeah going on that vacation may be pure hell and you might have anxiety the whole time but think about it. You might also just have fun on vacation once you are there. If you give in to your anxiety condition then you might miss out on things that turned out to be fun. That has happened to me several times. I got to the place I was so scared of and was suprised that after a while I was just fine and actually having fun. I want to see the world. Most importantly I don't want to hold my children or husband back from experiencing great stuff with me.

    Plus yes, cleaning and moving around alot sometimes makes my anxiety worse BUT the house has got to get cleaned. Things need to get done. I mean am I going to sit on the side lines for the rest of my life? No thanks. What will sitting on the side lines watching stuff happen around me get anyone?

   One thing I realized is that my anxiety can affect not just me but everyone around me. What kind of example am I setting for my kids if I give in to the anxiety? Especially since there does seem to be a genetic component to anxiety. How would I want my kids to handle their anxiety? So I gotta keep pushing forward and do what I want and need to do regardless of how it is going to make me feel anxiety wise. Well the only thing I limit myself to right now is flying on a plane. Only because I have not found a way to practice that yet short distances and it costs more money than I have. If I had a way to get on a commercial airliner short distances frequently and could pay for it then yes I would put myself through the anxiety because it is important I get over it. Amazingly enough I used to be able to fly even when I was having anxiety flare ups. I used to love to fly. I just had a bad plane trip a couple of years back.

    Another thing I have decided is I am not going to complain about my anxiety in front of my family. I don't want to raise anxious children.

   Yes I need to vent and yes I need to talk about my anxiety. I have just realized that it shouldn't be my family. I can let them know what is going on with me without always complaining. I can say hey I had a rough moment there but I am ok now.

   Therapy is where you discuss your anxiety, or groups like this. People who don't have anxiety that are not doctors are not really going to understand what you are going through anyways.

    I am not saying to always fake a smile or be fake or whatever. Not at all. I have had a bad habit in the past of being really pitiful and complaining left and right. No one would want to be around someone who is acting like that all the time. My biggest fear was always that my husband would get sick of being held back or dealing with someone who complained so much. He is a wonderful man but geez everyone has their limit. If someone is never any fun to be around and isn't bringing any sort of joy and only grief then it becomes a burden to that person. My husband would not leave me but I love him and I want to bring joy into his life and be a blessing to him because he has been a joy to me and a blessing to me.

   Ok wow I wrote a book. lol I feel better anxiety wise now that I have sat for a minute. Back to work!! Have a great week everyone.