I am overwhelmed and fearful that it may lead to a crisis. I’ve been happy and healthy for a while now and the thought of a crisis is sad to me. But I must calmly decipher my thoughts and find a positive solution to my problems. I am strong!

Problem 1:
No Celexa Refill

Reason:
Pharmacy says Medi-Cal doesn’t provide Celexa. Pharmacists says they need a note saying why I can’t take the alternative anti-depressant (something with a Z) that is covered. The Pharmacy has repeatedly faxed the doctor asking for this note.

Concern #1:
I havn’t had my intake with my actual doctor. All my other meetings with doctors were to get emergency prescriptions so I wouldn’t miss any pills. My actual appointment is not until next wednesday.

Solution:
Take the Celexa my sister has left over from when she took it.
Concerns for Solution: Prescription is expired. Illegal to take other people’s medicine.

Concern #2:
They will make me switch from Celexa.

Solution:
Tell my doctor I don’t want to switch because Celexa works for me and call Medi-Cal and find out why they don’t provide Celexa.
Concerns for Solution: I might have to pay for Celexa.

 

Problem #2:
Trouble finding a job.

Reason:
I’m unable to beat the specific song on hard in Guitar Hero 3 or Guitar Hero World Tour after many many many hours of practice which is a qualification for the job I was going for.

Concern #1:
They won’t even give me an interview without meeting this qualification.
Solution
 

Solution:
Be honest. Feel out the questionaire they want me to take and tell them how good I am now and that I am working on getting better. Also tell them I am a great tester just lacking in my gaming skills on these games.
Concerns for Solution: Still won’t get an interview.

Concern #2:
This was my best chance at getting back into the industry right away.

Solution:
Find another job opening. I’ve already submitted my resume in for another developer on a different type of game. I can keep checking in on job openings in my area.
Concerns for Solution:
This job requires I play a lot of another type of game. I must practice and study for this one as well. Also, there don’t seem to be as many good developers in my area as I once thought.

 

Problem #3:
I need money.

Reason:
I have bills to pay and I don’t have a job.

Concern #1:
Phone bill coming on the sixth of February.

Solution:
My brother owes me a large amount of money and pays be each month. I can have him pay me in time for the bill.
Concern for Solution:
He might not have the money in time.

Concern #2:
Food and Gas. I havn’t been able to eat out so I rely on what we have at the house or sometimes eat what my sister’s bf’s parents make. I don’t have gas money to go to Borders any more (See Problem #4).

Solution:
Just keep eating at home and doing homework at home.
Concern for Solution: This effects my happiness (See Problem #4).

Problem #4:
Stuck at home.

Reason:
No money or gas.

Concern #1:
I have to do my homework at home. It’s dark and/or noisy in our room so I try and do it on the front porch in the sunshine (this makes me happier) but my power eventually dies and the sun goes down.

Solution:
Get up earlier and start homework while the suns out for longer times. Re-charge my laptop when it dies and then start again when it is charged.
Concerns for Solution:
It’s hard to get up early (See Problem #5).

Concern #2:
This house is not the best place for me. It’s really dark in the room that I share with my sister and her bf. His family fights a lot. The parents drink (Flashback?), the animals are really loud. Clutter makes me anxious. I have to share the TV and Games so it could be hard to play more for work if I wanted to.
 

Solution:
Bear with it. We are moving in two months (if I stay) and I will have my own space soon. Get out as much as possible and ask to use things I need. Save up money when I get a job and plan on getting my own place (again).
Concerns for Solution:
The new place might not be much better. Can’t always get out. Hard to ask for things. Might not get a job soon and might not make enough to move out on my own. Sad to have to move out on my own again considering I did that years ago… don’t want to be pessimistic but it is kinda like I back tracked… I am must remember I am in a better place (mentally) though.

Problem #5:
Getting behind in school.

Reason:
Worked on training for that job all weekend. Got up late today.

Concern #1:
That I don’t have the patience right now to get back on track when I am at this house and I’m bummed about not having a job.

Solution:
Take it one thing at a time. Get online and check what I need to do this week and spread it out over the week.
Concerns for Solution:
It might be too much work.

Concern #2:
This week or atleats next week might be too hard. We are wrapping up the documentation stages and I’m worried implementing our ideas will be too difficult for the amount of knowledge I have gained recently.
 

Solution:
Just try. Do my best. Keep studying and putting in the ours to learn what I need to know to do the work.
Concerns for Solution: Doing hardwork while stuck at home.

 

Problem #6:
Girls.

Reason: I feel lonely and that makes me frustrated with woman.

Concern #1:
I can’t find anyone to date.

Solution:
Get out more. Keep checking the online dating site for girls that are my type.
Concerns for solution: No money or time to get out. Many of those girls aren’t my type.

Concern #2:
I’m not in the right place in my life for dating. I won’t have time to date. Even when I did have a gf it just added stress to my life that made it harder to do school and work. I don’t have money to go out with anyone right now.

Solution:
Wait.
Concern for Solution:
I’m freakin alone! Might be alone for a while… scary.

 

Problem #7:
Insomnia.

Reason:
Up late at night and sleeping all morning.

Concern #1:
Annoyed and frustrated at myself for not sleeping normaly.

Solution:
Attempt to reboot my system by staying up all day and then sleeping the next day. If that doesn’t work talk to my doctor again. Go easy on myself… it’s not my fault.
Concern for Solution:
I might be like this until I get a job and have to get up early in the morning no matter how I feel.

Phew… well that’s the lot of it. Atleast all that is on my mind at the moment. I’ve got an idea for some things I must do. I already feel better to get this off my chest. Now it’s time to be productive.

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