So, I found this site by accident because my anxiety just keeps getting worse. Some think I may have a mild form of PTSD that was aggrivated by the military and now due to the military, have adjustment dissorder. I don't really care what you want to say is wrong with me, I just want it to stop. It's been really bad for almost 4 weeks now. I think I'm getting it under control and then it slams me back down again. Driving back home from visiting family in Texas on Sunday, it hit me again and I was really getting scared. I couldn't take my meds because I had to drive and had my 8y/o son in the car with me and I felt like I was going to freak out and nobody was there to help me. I had no signal on my phone so I couldn't call anyone to talk me down, my son was sleeping, or trying to at least, and I was having a really hard time. I tried to distract myself with different thoughts and some of those, just made matters worse!
Sometimes I wonder if this is really my life or, am I living in this make believe world of mine and I'm too scared to come out and see it for what it really is. And thinking about it and trying to figure out which one it is, sends me straight into another anxiety/panic attack. Am I the only one who feels this way sometimes? I mean, does this ever end and go away?
I'm so tired of the bouts of no sleep, the days when I can't eat, or when I do eat, my stomach's so upset that I can't keep anything down or I'm constantly stuck in the bathroom…and I'm sure you can figure out what I mean by saying "having an upset stomach" lol.
It's killing my life as I used to know it basically. Things I used to do, I don't anymore or, I avoid doing because I know it will cause an attack to come on. Simple things in life that I know are simple, set me off now. I hate living like this. I hate having to carry my meds around everywhere I go because I never know when it will be too much for me to handle w/o them. And I really hate that I have to fake it all the time and pretend that I'm normal when in fact, I'm a single mother who wishes she could find a real relationship with someone and can't because as soon as it gets serious, I start having really bad attacks and call things off. So, I'm locked in this world alone and don't know what to do.
Sorry to have gone on, but I couldn't find anyone to talk to and this seemed to help for the time being.