i can't handle today.
i was going to call in cuz my anxiety & depression are tag teaming me and i feel sick … i thoght i was going to throw up this morning but i had nothing in there.
I am sitting here answering the phones w/ tears sitting in my eyes. 🙁 I dont know what to do…I dont even know who to talk to. I feel isolated and if i tell anyone whats wrong w/ me in life i am afraid they r going to pull away. I over reacted this morning….my bf left for work early but seemed put off…said he was leaving early so he could get off earlier so we could spend time together…but i was almost like he was saying it to make me feel better not cuz he wants to. I know i'm paranoid and this is probably blown out of proportion. I feel like i'm sinking, drowning. I told him i felt like he was leaving early cuz he didnt want to be around me and even when he told me goodbye he jsut said 'have a good day' no hug or kiss or anything like usual. I was laying in bed half asleep and crying and i felt like sucha freak. I feel out of control and I dont know how to get back into control. I'm afraid hes going to pull away because i'm clingy. I try not to be……..i really do. I can't help it that im a worrier and paranoid about the reasons he's not around 🙁

I just need to go somewhere alone and scream FUCK at the top of my lungs. that sounds like some good therapy right now. 🙁 🙁 🙁 i dont know what to do..or what to feel. I wanna go home cuz i'm freaking the fuck out…i've got cold sweats, my heart is racing, breathing is quick an das much as i try to get it calmed down i can't. My hands are cold and shaking and i'm so upset that i dont know what to do but sit here and bitch in a blog about it!

sorry…i feel like a burden on everyone around me. sorry i this brings anyone else down :(:( 🙁

2 Comments
  1. NoGoodReason 13 years ago

    Jade – I usually handle days like this in one of two ways; go home sick and just mellow out (take a VERY hot bath –  really shifts your brain chemicals dramatically) or try to be as outgoing at work as possible, because usually as I am around people and interacting with them more I feel less alone….the 2nd one is very hard. When I take the option of RETREAT to the home front, it is easier.

    Please take care of yourself, at least get out and get away at lunch time and have some time to yourself. Try a vigorous work-out. Don't try to solve everything at once, if your bf is concerned, having doubts, just worried or in love with you, you cannot control it so do not try, it will all show itself eventually. It sounds corny, but just love yourself, you are okay and will be okay. We are all here for you. – NGR    

     

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  2. thelifeofjade 13 years ago

    thx to everyone's kind words and support. ((hug)) 😐 i honestly dont know how i'd get thru most days w/o u all…

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