I feel a lot better since my last post. I called my sister and had a small rant about how I was feeling stressed and isolated and she was more on board about helping out with some crafty centerpiece ideas I had. Oh yeah, I also totally pitched my elegant autumn theme for what I now call Quirky-Vintage-Bohemian-Autumn-Arts-n-Craft. There will be more DIY projects, but I'm more focused now that I'm taking the idea of cheap and artificial and running with it.

There may be more projects, but I feel relieved to be doing something that says more about me as a person, instead of trying to live up to this image of a so-called elegant wedding. I'm too weird and artsy to look so regal. It was illfitting and uncomfortable. Like Chewbacca in a leotard…

Also, DH's younger sister told him she'd be glad to help with the felt flowers I'm making for centerpieces and also recruited his cousin.

So, DH and I are planning on heading out to Chicago a few times during summer break and having some alcoholic crafting parties. My sister also says she'll be more available during the summer–sans alchohol.

I have also solved the bridesmaid dillemma by asking one of my dearest guy friends to stand with me. I wasn't sure how he'd respond–he can be fickle at times–but his answer was "Why wouldn't I?" YES!!! I don't know why I was reluctant to ask him in the first place. (well, mainly because DH thought it would look silly, but I told him I don't give a shit how silly it looks to a bunch of people who barely know me anyway.)

So the only thing that still has me really down is my mom's involvement (or lack of). When I told her we were looking to book a reception hall she said "Let me know when you're going and I'll send a check for the deposit", but I can't sit around waiting for a check to come in the mail to start doing things–especially when DH works 7 days a week and has a small window to jump in and take care of business during the school year. So I told her over the phone: "We just booked the hall. The deposit was $XXX.00." Instead of sending a check for $XXX.00, she wants me to find her something else to pay for… and again…and again.

Now she's going on vacation in Minnesota and says she can't give us anything right now, but closer to the wedding day. WE WON'T NEED IT THEN. We have to book things NOW. Wedding's 6 months away. What does she possibly think we're willing leave til the last minute?

Now I want to tell her to keep her damn money. If she just PRETENDED to give a crap, that would actually be enough, but my mother has always been notorius for putting her daughters last on her list of priortities.

Fuck it. Not everyone has a mom to plan a wedding with. I'll bust pretend I'm one of them or borrow someone else's. There's goes my "something borrowed" in my mission not to be the "something blue".