I have not been this lonely in eleven plus years, when I was eight hours from home, in college, and only 18. I had no friends there. I have no friends now. I've tried to reconnect with old friends but nothing has worked out to be a satisfying relationship.

I find myself unable to meet new people due to social anxiety and low self esteem.

Now, I have lost my family. I am estranged from my brother. My sister has her own family and own issues to deal with. Although she has promised several times to be more available to me, she has only grown farther away. I still live with my parents after moving back in when college didn't work out. They are little to no help in the emotional sense. Sure they provide me with a place to live and I am grateful for that. However, they are not capable of dealing with my emotions. I don't just mean emotions revolving around my Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety. They can't even have a conversation with me. A real conversation. I have asked them many times to acknowledge me, but most ofthe time they don't or do so on their own agendas. It would be so nice to carry on an intellectual conversation. I believe they have grown weary from having to see me ill and being ill in their own sense. They don't have the energy to give me companionship.

Now I know at this age I shouldn't rely so much on them. However, what am I to do when I have no one else? Most people my age come hometo their husbands or wives, meet friends for dinner or drinks, and are more socially out there and socially connected.

I am so grateful that I have found DT. It has helped me out some. But, I haven't been on here long enough to form deep relationships, even if I have had a few deep conversations. I understand these things take time but how much longer do I have stay lonely? DT helps with loneliness, it really does. However, I need "real life" connections too.

Part of the reason I joined DT was to find support. Another reason was to help myself get used to socializing with people. But, people out in the "real world" don't want to hear about your problems unless you have a deep connection. That takes time. It also takes getting out of the house which is something I don't do enough of, besides work and the gym. Additionally, it takes approaching people or allowing them to approach you.

I used to be so outgoing as a teenager. I always had an introverted side, yet was always showing my extroverted side too. Now, I am completley introverted.

I can't just strike up conversations with people. I don't know how to meet people.

I am sick of being lonely and alone day after day. These should be some of the prime years of my life and I am spending them alone and sick.

I never was able to make friends easily, but by the time I was a teenager I'd formed bonds. For me, it takes awhile to get comfortable with someone. Although I am doing OK with it on here, but I know most of you on DT have similiar issues so we can relate. How do you relate to a random person in the "real world"?

I used to have a bunch of friends, but any I still know seem to be more about themselves and/or what they can get from me.

Where is someone genuine? Someone I can have a real conversation with. Someone who appreciates me. I understand all this takes time; but how do I even start the process?

I'm sick of bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, social anxiety, and lonelines. Thanks to those of you who have helped with it so far, here on DT. I just wish I had more. I don't think it's too much to ask.

1 Comment
  1. justpeachy 10 years ago

     I am lonely and estranged from my family too. Kind of makes you feel like your outside everything looking in wondering just what in the hell you are missing…and your right, people don't understand. Some people may actually WANT to but they seem few and far between. It's a vicious cycle. All I can say is I understand…..

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