I was looking forward to a quite night and to start getting ready for the job interview I have on Friday, I didn't do either. I decided to organize our bills, I have been neglecting them because I'm overhwelm with everything and I hate that my partner gets upset when there isn't enough money to pay our bills. After last week I almost drink myself to exhaustation we have been trying to get back on track, so I started looking for the bills that were all over the apartment, I found a noticed from the electric company saying that we had until today before the cut our services, well of course I saw the note for the first time and I was convinced I had paid the bill but I had not! How on earth I forgot to pay a bill since April?! I made the payment but because it was after bank ours it will not post to our account until tomorrow, lets pray they don't cut our service. There is another bill behind, our association fees, i get pay on Friday and I'm planning on pay it off but it is the first time since we live here that I don't oay the association. We have been spending money like drunken sailors, drinking and throwing parties but forgot to pay our bills! I also have been to the doctor and teraphist several times in the last two months and those bills are going to start pulling up as well! I have one of those high deductible plans so I have to pay the first 3.5k out of my pocket, today when discussing my medications with my doctor I was just asking her how much it would be because my antidepresant is almost 400 dollars, my insurance make me buying trough them and they want you to buy 90 days! I asked the doctor to send me just a month prescription that way they dnt make me pay the entire amount right away! Yes money drives me insane, I don't know how to handle it. My partner has a lot of money and he contributes more than I do because we bought the condo he wanted, I can't afford the lifestyle Im trying to live, I have had this conversation with him a million times and he is supportive for a while but then we go back to our set missbehaviors. I want this to change, I want me to get out of this stupid depression, my horrible job, my needyness, my drinking…I'm exhausted and I can't sleep anymore because I'm thinking and thinking on how to get out of this mess…

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