I use to have an account here a long time ago. A lot has happened since then. A close friend was in jail under false accusations. My grandmother died. My cousin was murdered. Social Security tried taking my S.S.I.

Since then as I've slowly begun to pick up the pieces of my life living and knowing I have to do so for myself and for my family.

Things have been going great as far as my personal life. I'm in college pursuing a certification in Youth and Child care and very soon I will be moving as a drastic effort to restart my life…

but here's the thing….

There are a lot of things I will be leaving behind. My mother who has been sick for almost 20 years. My brother who is reclusive and also struggles with anxiety and a close friend who I have known for 7 years.

My family is supportive and ecouraging me to make the move, My friend however is going through a lot of hell. January 2010 he was locked up for basically being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Since he has been free, Instead of staying safe he seems to be going at a downward spiral.

When he was locked up. I took care of him. I sent him money. I made every phone call to anybody that could be of help to him, because he shouldn't have been there. This went on for 9 months. His family did nothing for him and during his time in prison I found out he had an addiction. He was clean for 8 months.

Right now he is relapsing on alcohol and drugs and he is literally pulling me down with him. Its becoming physically draining. I saw him last week and he was suicidal. I did everything I could to try to talk him out of the thought of commiting suicide. When I got home I got a call from him saying he was signing himself into the hospital. I didn't hear from him for a while but I found out later that he was transported to a psych hospital. After just one over night stay he left. He said he "couldn't take it". Look, I've been through and seen more than people my own age. I was institutionalized for suicide attempts and prescription drug addiction twice. I know how it can be when you first get there. No doubt it IS scary at first but it does help. Going by my own experience I said "So are u still suicidal?" He said just as clear and well "No I'm fine" My thoughts were something like "Yeah you're fine now because they doped you up but who's to say that when you get out you wont feel this way again.

This is not the first time I ever helped him out of a situation like this. I love him like he's my little brother. I know his depression and thoughts of suicide stems from his childhood having a whore for a mother and a low life for a father. Being bounced from home to home to home of many of his mother's boyfriends and getting sexually abused in the process. Its terrible.

I need some advice because now I feel like its getting out of hand with him and instead of feeling like I'm helping him I feel as though I'm being manipulated and used by not only him but his sister as well. I talked to my friend who is a rabbi as well as my kabbalah teacher and they both said the same thing "You got to let go before you end up just like him. You think you're helping him by sticking around when you can't see that he is pulling you down with him". They say this because of my 13 year battle with anxiety disorder and my past addiction to pills.

I'd feel as though Iam betraying my friend by letting him go. Please give me your advice. What should I do?

4 Comments
  1. SunraySheryl 12 years ago

    What a wonderful friend you have been! Now, listen to yourself.. you are feeling manipulated, and drained.. speaks for itself, doesn\'t it?

    You need to fill your own tank before you have the overflow to help others.

    It\'s simple but it\'s difficult..! You just have to figure out how much you have to give, then don\'t give beyond that.

    It\'s not about being selfish, it\'s about staying alive, preferably healthy!

    Hope you feel very supported today.. you deserve it!

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  2. uuluv 12 years ago

    Thank u so much

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  3. uuluv 12 years ago

    I notice how he always calls when he wants something…that\'s really where the line is being drawn

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  4. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    What is solved if two lives are lost? You friend has to value himself. If he can\'t find this within himself, there isn\'t anything you can do. You know that healing starts when the person who needs healing decides he\'s worthy of healing. No matter what else each person is in charge of his/her own existence.You cannot be in charge of his existence; only he can do that. You need to make sure your are being responsible for your existence

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