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I have been taking medication for my anxiety for three years, I can say that the medication has helped in a lot of way mostly it puts me to sleep so I only take it at night. I have only had a couple of attacks in the last year. I don't believe that my anxiety has left me its still here but its not as bad as it use to be. The reason I want to get off my medication is because of my depression. When my darkness is bad and I have to take my medication I just look at this bottle that is fulled with pills and just think….It really just that easy to swallow all of those pills and hopefully my darkness a long with my life ends. Its a frighten thought to have that much power in a bottle that all this sadness, all this emptiness, all this worthlessness will simply go away and I all that is require of me is taking a couple of pills. Yesterday something hit me as I was looking at my news feed I saw that Robin Williams had killed himself and of course there was a backlash because people feel that suicide is the cowards way out and it is a selfish act. In fact I believe that it is the opposite. I have struggled so much with it myself. As I am sitting here typing that thoughts are there. As I lay in my bed at night the thought of not waking up the mornings almost seem romantic. After a life of pain to justgo to sleep for the final time. The tears no long flows, the thoughts have stop and the fight is finally over. The white flag is waved a poetic ending.There is nothingmore painful then being in a room filled with people but yet your all alone. There is nothing like drowning on dry land with lifeguards around you but nobody is paying attention. Yes killing yourself will be painful for the people who love because isnt losing a love period painful in it self. I knew my grandmother was going in died in fact I watch her take her last breath and it still is the most painful memory of my life. I cannot get that image out of my head. Death is something you can't stop. Why go through life in pain, where is the honor in struggling. To continue to push your way through life. How is that honorable? Why is ending your life selfish?

1 Comment
  1. Andie372 6 years ago

    There is honor in struggling.  The reward is that we made it another day.  I know the darkness, the temptations you feel.  Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling.  An anti depressant would likely help you very much.

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