Years ago my boyfriend at the time broke up with me to give things a go with his ex girlfriend. It took me the good part of 2 years, a miscarriage and cutting myself to get over it…I went to devastation and fought my way back. I was happy. I was moving on.Then he came back. Saw me in a new light…said he realised I was the one. It was confusing but I started to believe him and trust him. He made a commitment to me. Told me he was over her and that he loved me. Against everyone in my life I married him. We had an incredibly moving wedding. ..the dream honeymoon. It was the most exhilarating Then he threw the bomb at me. He was never over her. It waa all lies. He started an affair with her. They're both still as in love as they were back then.That was 6months ago and every day has been a nightmare since then. He said he can't live with the guilt of leaving me and he knows what he did was wrong. But his feelings for her are too strong and he can't choose between us. And that is how every single day has been…begging him to choose…hopeful that he is loving one day…devastated by his distance th next. I have a box of rat poison under my bed…on the bad days I will take a cup of it and hope to die but I never do. He sees me cry every day but he's stopped caring. I can't bring myself to leave him but can't live like this either. Why couldn't he leave me alone? Why was I so blind? Nothing is going to change. He said he wouldn't be able to decide unless she left him n got married. But what does that make me? His consolation prize?I don't want much. I just want someone to share a lide with…who loves me and makes me his priority. I don't want to be an option in someone's life. I don't want to feel used and insecure. Seriously are there guys who do this?? Who know how to look after a girl n just be committed for the rest of your Life? Who realize that marriage is a sacred bond? I accept my fault in making the same mistake twice…but Please tell me there are some guys there who know what I'm saying…I've lost so much faith and trust. I'm on my last leg. I bought bleach today and I want to end this.