Sometimes I think I'd be more successful writing in a "dachshund loving" blog than an addiction blog. It's okay to be obsessed with your dog, so it's okay to openly talk about it. Er–to an extent. Not to mention this is a recovery forum and as much as I want drugs to stop ruling my life, I love them. I am in love with pain killers. I don't know how to NOT want them. They've ruined my life financially…completely. I could blame the economy (though that has not helped) but lets be honest, if I made money that just means I'd buy more pills.I have strep throat so currently I'm legally taking yhem, however i had to buy stronger ones off the street because I'm a small girl , but I can thrown down pills like the rest of the. I'm not bragging. This sounds it but I am in NO way proud of this. Not at all.

I am such a sensitive person that I can't take it anymore and the pills help to that. My feelings get hurt? The pills will help me feel better, think it out irrationally, or so it feels. I mean well. I majored in Psychology because I love people, not because I love myself but because I want to understand why people hate the way they do, what makes people tick, etc. I believe there is good in all people in this past two years that has been completely shattereed. I've confided in people my depression, my deepest insecurities and on more than one occasion i have been mortified by having it being thrown back in my face. It is the most humiliating experienced. My mother is among one of those people as well. I won't go deep into her and my issues yet, but "I wish you weren't my daughter" and "you are the reason I don't want to live" have all come out her mouth directed to me.

I hate caring what other people think and I really hate being so fucking sad all the time.

Insert: painkillers.

I'm not usually this gloom and doom, it's that time of the month and rainy. I also fear my boyfriend will leave me soon. We've been friends 14 years and dating exclusively with no breaks for 5 years. When I joke about taking a fake candy machine ring, he smiply smiles. He knows about my habit he knows, he hates it, so I hid it…but today we got in a fight. I was goign to get stronger meds because the doctor didn't give me strong enough ones and he'd got so pissed. The reason I hide it is because I don't want him worrying or being upset. I love him wo much,,,

xxx please no trolls, I need loving supoort xxx