I lost a very good friend. Another did pass away. I trusted someone I shouldn't have. I got my heart broken a little bit. And something was taken from me. A dog. I have also been struggling with my doctor and his take on me. It has caused me untold insecurities and I still haven't found a new doctor. My heart hurts sometimes, my chest has pains, and so I've tried to do more exercise. But the pain in my back from my spine is so severe most days it is quite difficult to keep up. I apologize to Eric and others who I may have been unpleasant to or anything less than the person I try to be, which is simply kind. Not having access to pain meds is good and bad.

I tried to realize a dream, and it flopped, in a big way. I had to face a lot of stuff I haven't been able to face. And the things that make me hyper-vigilant have only increased as I have learned the true possibilities and nature of our world. Wanting to transcend my fears is much easier said than done. I talk a big talk…

I hope that Miss Summer is okay, looking forward to a nice weekend. I miss a lot of my old friends. I hope that Panda Star is okay. I have thought about her for many moons…

I recently read that maybe we can't change theworld, but we can change ourselves. I am trying to overcome my pain, as something that must come ultimately from me, my reality, hoping this month to come, and this year's end, will see a finality to many things, so that new doors can be found and opened. I wish that every person on earth has enough food to eat, that no one should go to bed hungry. I hope the blasts will quiet for a time, over the whole of the earth…

Remember who you are, remember the good times, the good days, the innocent days… and remember that we are always more than we think we are… and you are all beautiful! Good night!