I'm really struggling right now. For those who haven't read my other blogs, I've been struggling with anxiety, OCD, and depression. I've always been attracted to women, ever since I can remember, I've had a few girlfriends, my first of which we were together for a year and I was crushed and devestated when we broke up because I truly loved her, since then I have been hesitant and shy with women out of fear of rejection. With my OCD I've struggled with worries of being a pedophile, killer,and being gay. They would come in spikes, for a long time I struggled with the Harm Thoughts and they caused me severe anxiety, then the HOCD (gay) thoughts. So for the longest time, maybe about a little more than half a year I have been doing good a couple recurring thoughts, but just recently I felt infatuated with a girl in one of my classes and I dunno what happened, but I got a thought that I was doubting what I felt and my teacher is a gay man and to be fair he is good looking dude, but I started worrying does that mean I'm gay and all that. I feel like I've been losing my attraction to women, lately even though in my head I see a women and think "she is hot" I get no physical reaction and that worries me, when about 2-3 weeks ago, I would get a physical reaction,and anytime I think a girl is hot it's like my brain goes "Well you don't think that" it's like having someing saying everything I think is wrong and I think the oppositeand because of the thoughts and impulses that pop into my head about guys, even male family members and it's the same recurring thoughts, I hate this so much, I just want shit back to normal. For a long time I have been relying on pornography to reassure meand I realize, at least for me,it is not good considering the OCD, and porn can desensitize people. So I have chosen to cut myself off from it and hopefully it will help me rewire my brain a bit. I'm so lost, I feel helpless and not myself and constantly checking if how I am standing or sitting is gay etc. I feel broken
Related Articles
-
Unrelated to the OCD, but wow.
Misconceptions, , OCD, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Child, Depression, Divorce, Infidelity, Obesity, Parenting, Personality Disorder, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Stress, 0
Ever since I've moved out of the family home it just seems like the family is fallen apart. Sure,...
-
-
Drugs :)
thelastcookie, , OCD, Anxiety, Medication, OCD, Parenting, 1
It's been a long time since I last posted here (about a month I believe). I've been pretty busy...
-
Empower yourself
TheTallestOne, , OCD, Anxiety, OCD, 3
I just wanted to write a blog about something that isn't focused on enough. The idea of non-engagement! What...
-
A really bad day.
dreamychloe, , OCD, Anxiety, Child, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, OCD, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Therapy, 2
Today was a really bad day. I went back into the same cycle of obsessing thoughts. I just feel...
-
-
I feel angry/sad. :(
Misconceptions, , OCD, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Relationships, Social Anxiety, 3
It's been three days now since our boilers in our room have stopped working. We live on the top...
-
inside my head
delane1, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, OCD, Therapist, 2
Well, it all boils down to the fact that things will not change unless we/i change them. Effort has...
0 Comments