The title of this blog says it all. I feel trapped…. trapped in my present, trapped in my past, trapped by theuncertainty of my future. I feel trapped by my insecurities and quesrions about things that have been said and done in the past by my parents that i can't stand up for myself, i can't assert myself, i cannot make the right decisions about my present life in fear that i will be judged in the same way that my parents judged me, in fear that i will be seen as useless, childish, ugly, needy…etc…If im honest with myself i don't even know what the right way to turn is now, which the right way to go is because every single option has a brick wall at the end of it! Every dierection i turn will be proof to my parents that i am all those things they made me feel, all those things which i ve worked so hard to prove that im not. Im also scared that that others see me like that, im scared thats why my partner makes me feel suffocated too. Im due to have nmy baby any day and he won't let me out of his sight. in a way i should be greatful becuase i know there are so many women out there going through this on their own. He does everything for me but it just feels suo suffocating and i don't know how to handle it. Also there are cultural differences. He's muslim, im christian. its difficult becuas i feel im losing who i am but i can't assert myself, i can't deal with it. i don't know how. im too used to being pulled from pillar to post all my life and although i have shouted out noone has ever listened. He's not working either and im terrified he will be with me the whole time once the baby is born, not becuase im worried so much about the money but more becuase i feel if he's aeound the whole time i won't be able to be the mum i want to be to my child.


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