Lately I’ve been contemplating killing myself. I’ve had suicide ideation for years, but it’s gotten worse now. I’m now actively finding ways to quickly and efficiently end my life. There’s just no reason for me to be alive anymore. Everyday I feel more and more trapped. I don’t have any friends, I go from one mediocre job to another, other than my parents my family is a non-factor. I don’t see the point in therapy anymore. I really don’t want to be here anymore. I can’t imagine going through life for years like this. I’m always depressed. Some days are better than others but the depression is always there. There’s no one I can talk to. The few people I’ve talked to in the past always gave the same cliched bullshit “I’m here for you if you want to talk”. People want a pat on the back for doing the absolute minimum. Lately I’ve been feeling disgust when it comes to people in general. Seeing and hearing people and being around them sometimes makes me angry. Having to talk and interact with people whether within my job or outside of it is stating to piss me off. I’m realizing more and more that I don’t like people. I don’t like looking at them, I can’t stand hearing them, and they’re starting to make me sick. I don’t connect to anyone, and the few times that I thought I did they turned out to be narcissists. I don’t feel like I belong here. I’m tired of being alive. I’m mentally exhausted. I don’t have anything to live for. I’m currently looking for ways to kill myself and then I’ll go through with it.