Things are getting worse. I’m becoming more and more depressed everyday and I don’t know what to do. Nothing works. Medication isn’t working nor does therapy. I have no real friends and no reason for being here. I can’t stand being around people and I have no real meaningful relationships with anyone. It wouldn’t make a difference if I died. Most of life has been a complete waste and it’s getting worse. I’m starting to resent people in general. I’m constantly alone and becoming more and more isolated. My parents use to be the main and only reason that prevented me from killing myself, but not anymore. Who cares if I die, I don’t care anymore. I don’t connect with anyone and I don’t think I ever have. I’m done trying to connect with anyone, it no longer matters. My life has no meaning, it never has. Last year and the year before were hell and this year doesn’t seem to be any better. Being hospitalized did nothing to help me, and like everything else in my life was a waste of time. Everything is dark. There’s no one I feel comfortable talking to anymore. I’ve trusted people in the past which was a mistake. I’m done putting my trust in people when all they do is let you down. The world just seems so apathetic and cold. My life has always been pointless. All my life I’ve struggled with want I want to do with my life and I still don’t know. I’m done reaching out to people and I’m done trying to form connections with people. There’s no reason for me to be here, no reason for me to be alive. Life is just so mundane and I can’t take it anymore. I’m done living in pain and I’m done suffering. Suicide is the only way out for me.

6 Comments
  1. lastoneleft 2 months ago

    Everything you are feeling and experiencing is identical to me, only difference being my whole family passed away, fueling me to want death as well.

    But life is never predictable and some sort of happiness could hit us out of nowhere (or at least the beginning of happiness)

    I want to give up and be released from the pain, too. But i just keep hanging on hoping for life to do it’s thing.

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  2. condemned 2 months ago

    I have dramatically changed how I see depression. I now think of it as an enemy, a saboteur. It clouds every aspect of life with darkness and does everything to convince you that you are seeing the truth.

    “Everything is dark,” you say? Not quite. You can believe my perspective that depression is an evil force, or you can discard the idea as insanity, but the bottom line is that you are not seeing things clearly. Don’t make big decisions when you don’t have the right facts.

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  3. penguin10293 2 months ago

    We have many things in common. I have “friends” but only one of this is a true friend. But still, I won’t share anything with her because I’m so scared to. I deal with both anxiety and depression. I hope you feel better. I told someone about my mental health issues because they asked, and no one has ever asked me so I decided to not let the opportunity slide. I realize how bad of an idea it was. Everyone is always like, it’ll be better than you think if you talk to someone about it. It is if that person has no clue who you actually are. I recently contacted a support group online but it didn’t really help. Sometimes the person I told about my mental health is the nicest person ever. But sometimes he hurts me so bad I don’t even know why I told him. But that’s enough about me. I hope you understand that suicide seems like the best option right now, but I swear to you in 10 years from now you’ll look back and be glad you never gave up. Because of your experience, you will be so much more successful than others who have had the easiest life of all. You’ll be able to comfort others because you know what it feels like. People who have never had depression will never know what it feels like, which is a good thing unless you’re helping someone who is actually dealing with it. Just know you’re not alone, and we’re all here for you.

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  4. poppy21 2 months ago

    Maybe that medication wasn’t the right one there are many try again it’s ok they aren’t all the same. What type of therapy again there are different sorts. Maybe the therapy is and I appreciate this might sound lame but animals, fitness, gardening. Find that one thing you once enjoyed and try it again. And these things might involve people it might not but let’s build up you first then work on being with others. Breathe.

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  5. annika-zmn 2 months ago

    Hey,
    I just want to say this. I have felt the same thing in my life not too long ago. I felt like I had nobody and nobody would care if I were gone because I seemed like a nuisance to everybody. I had a very good friend a couple years ago and I isolated myself away from everybody else because all i cared about was her. Then she left to go to Sweden. I was broken and I had no friends and I felt I couldn’t put my trust into anybody else because I would just be hurt again.

    In that way I feel we have lot in common. But I can tell you from actual experience that you are not alone and even if you don’t think anybody likes you some people actually do, you just don’t realize it now because you have put in your head that they don’t. I have since my incident found a new very good friend, not too long ago actually. 3 years i was alone and I felt like nobody cared except my parents but I found somebody. So will you i PROMISE! There are always people that will like you for what you are you just have to find them. Until then, stick in there.Maybe put yourself in another environment with new people and trust yourself to open up to new people!
    Until you do that i will always be here for you if you want or have to talk about something!
    Annika

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