Just a note to say that M is coming up, the weather sucks, but we will make the most of it. I am super excited to see her as always.

For once I don't feel like I am desperate for a date. I am getting enough attention and that's making me really happy! Yesterday K texted me just to see how my day was. I absolutely love his texts. I love when he says he's stressed so I can comfort him. I am just praying he doesn't disappear because I don't think I could live through that again, eventhough it's very likely.

I had Pho soup for lunch and it was spicey, so next time I make it I'm leaving the hot sauce out. I love Asian foods, I just love to eat. I think M and I are going to the French bistro, but I will check with her first. I want crab cakes and a crepe.

I met another guy last night, he is OK not exactly my first choice but he can take the place of P. I am really happy I found someone else to hang out with.

So needless to say I am NOT depressed at the moment, not to say that I'm truly happy either, I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop and I am ALWAYS anxious about one thing or another, even if it's simply riding in the car, make no mistake, I am constantly anxious. My heart is actually beating hard and fast today, I think because of a lack of sleep and constant stress.

I am going to try to be "good" and not drink too much tonite because that is what makes my depression come back 10 fold the next day. I'll probably just eat a lot since I'm the size of a house anyway. I can't fit into ANY of my pants and I have to wear this ugly dress that is still too small for me, but it's all I got that I can get over my ass at all. Well I have a couple of other cute things but I want to save them to wear when I see one of the boys.

Still just trying to be thankful for what I have. My cat escaped yesterday, but we caught him and he's OK. Little things like that. Life is OK, I have to keep reminding myself, I might never have what I truly want, but as long as there aren't big tragedies, maybe I'll be fine. Maybe.


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