(Wrote this listening to ‘Too much to ask’– Niall Horan and ‘Bruises’- Lewis Capaldi)
Hey… let me tell y’all about my last week. Well last went on Friday I finally went for therapy (my first ever session). To be honest it was quite hard to open up but easier at the same time easy because it was someone who didn’t really know me or my family.
So I was made to fill a form, you know the ones that usually have questions and then the numbers 1-4 you basically rate yourself… Well, I did that… I broke down filling it because I started to ask myself questions like ‘how did I get here?’ Long story short I wiped my tears, blew my nose and got my s#!t together.
See the deal with me is that I don’t show emotion at all. I feel awkward in practically any emotional situation. It’s quite weird but my friends understand it. I find myself in situations where they are like “OMG! You’re in school! I missed you so much.” And I usually stand there not knowing what to say like…cool story bro.
On with my story! My therapist shows up late. Like I don’t like it when people can’t keep time. She calls me in but my mother insists she also wants to enter for whatever strange reason. Of course I feel awkward and I ask them (my sister also came) to leave. I then went on to explain to the mama (woman) what was happening. My problems seem to revolve my mother. It started after she made this remark “how stupid are you that even when you read you can’t understand” like man that stuff hurt so bad.
At first it was a big deal because I would cry myself to sleep every night. After a while my sister decided to intervene and it became worse. I just decided to hide what I felt. If they don’t see it they would think that everything was fine right? Right.
Months later, it came crushing down hard. What!? I honestly couldn’t even sit through a whole day of school. So, I decided to end it all. I wrote a list of ways and stupidly forgot to hide the book. My mother found it and decided to finally care. And when I refuse to talk to her she starts asking me why I want her to suffer. Like honestly, way to turn it into a you problem.
So that’s how ended up in the therapists office, diagnosed with major depression and on antidepressants. Well, see you next time for more stories on how my life sucks.