trying to not let my mind ruin it. it's hard though. i don't understand this constant change of mind sets. i really don't. last night i SERIOUSLY thought i was DYING. my heart and pulse starting just beating so hard to where like my heart HURT and my chest,and my head started hurting and i was really dizzy.everything almost felt like…not..real.it was a panic attack, i'm pretty sure…right?. came out of noooo where. seriously. and i have had 2 so far this morning. what is going on? i honestly didn't know they could happen for no reason. i was just sitting there watching a movie. i can't even fatham to you how scared i was.i couldn't breath. i was about to call my mom and tell her because i thought like..my heart and shit was just giving out or something. my head got all prickly and numb, as well as my body. i looked it up i actually just typed in what i was expereincing to make sure that nothing scary popped up. and panic attacks just kept popping up.i know i have felt this way before, and everytime i just thought like..oh god somethings wrong with me or something. i am pretty sure its what it was. i cant even convey to you guys..i mean i know i'm sure a lot of you expereince this but as for me im just discovering what it could be. everytime i've felt this way i seriously just thought there was something wrong with my heart or something. its so weird.. and you know what each time that im like going..oh god am i dying? because its what it feels like. my after thought would be..no….i dont want to die. weird huh. i always want to die, i dont think i really want to..a lot of the times its just my mind and i get mad that its thinking that way.if that makes sense..i dont know.. but 3 of those in such a short period of time. its really scary. and i'm pretty drained. : give me some feedback as to what you think please..anyway. hope everyone is having a good day. my days better then yesterday so far. my head doesn't feel so crazy.i hope it lasts a while.and i hope what ever it is that keeps happening to me. stops.what ever it is..

1 Comment
  1. snowdreamer 10 years ago

    You are having anxiety attacks darling.  I'll never forget the first one I had I too thought I was dying that my heart was giving out and I was alone at the time and no one could save me but it passed and then another one came and I knew then what to expect.. I had one in the middle of a store once and had to sit at their patio display  until it passed, missed shopping with my partner and he just didn't understand.  Wish someone would understand but they do in here, I always have support in here and understanding.  So yeah honey it was panic attacks and you never do know what triggers them and sometimes you do but just keep track of them and maybe you'll figure it out and maybe not but relax knowing your not dying 🙂

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