It always seems to me that when I am finally starting to feel good about life and about myself, people start flocking to me with all of their problems and questions that I can't fix or answer. People just come out of the woodwork- people that I hardly ever talk to to begin with. I can understand that maybe they can sense my positive energy- because that's how people work- and perhaps they just want to feel it too, but can't they see how selfish they're being? Or is it rude of me to say any of this? Some of these people were there for me when my life was falling apart and of course I want to help the people that I love, but when they demand everything from me when I'm just learning to stand on my own two feet, it's exhausting and I feel like I don't have any energy to spare for myself. Unfortunately, my depression and anxiety leave me unlike a normal person that might have extra energy to spare. I struggle to find energy for myself and when I do, I count it to be a small victory. They don't understand that when I am happy, I'm FIGHTING to be happy- it's not just something I can hand out to people.

Whenever this happens, I start to isolate myself from people. I feel that if they can't get to me, then they won't try to take from me anymore, but this also has some negative effects. I start to feel alone again and then I find that I've pushed everyone away.

These people, while they were being there for me, told me consistently that they want me to feel better and to do what I need to in order to be happy and feel good about life. I would think that they would be happy for me and respectful of the fact that I'm feeling better, but not. Instead, they use me as an emotional dumping ground. I can hardly handle my own problems, I can't handle everyone else's problems all at once. I would be fine if it were just one or two of my friends coming to me for help, but that's not the case. In this case, it's seriously EVERYONE I'm talking to that's asking something of me. That's just too much to handle. I don't want to hurt these people by not giving them the help that they want, but I need to take care of myself, too.

  1. elf 8 years ago

    Dear Proanimia,

    Take care of yourself first. Set a time limit on the negative venting for people. Zero if it must be. Gently explain that in order for you to function and survive right now, you cannot handle negative stuff.  The people who said they were wanting you to be happy, maybe they wanted it so you could be useful to them. Maybe they are just so short sighted and selfish they don't realize it. But do what you have to to take care of yourself.


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  2. ancientgeekcrone 8 years ago

    You are correct. Happiness come from within. It comes when one unserstands their illness, its trigger and how to defuse them(the triggers) When one finds their emotional center and can stay there despite what goes on around them. They also learn to draw boundaries and demand people respect them.. When one does not have the energy to help, one says so, in clear unambiguous languare.

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  3. fishman999 8 years ago

    hey poranamia dont let other ppl spoil your your improvements in your own fight to get better

    try not to take to much notice some ppl dont understand they have to help them selves first just focus on your own battle and try not to let the other let you loose your focuse.on youe self!!

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