So i finally finally got up the courage to call wendy (employment people). I knew that i had to call her, as the appointment she had scheduled via letter was on the exact time and day as my appt with the shrink. Anyway, i took my therapists advise and was truthfull with her. Telling her that i'm getting overwhelmed.. and that I was really anxious. I was soo scared as to what her reaction would be, and i was completly surprised. She was so understanding! she even said that we should slow things down a bit, which was what i was wanting to say, but couldn't! i'm so  so thankful! it really was such a relief for her to say that. She said that she was kinda getting a feeling from me, that things were going to fast, which was amazing for her to say, concidering that I had told her that i was fine with everything that was happening. She had even said that she had decided that what she was going to do with me, might be a bit much, and wasn't going to do that anymore. Its such a relief for me. I was really stressing out about even contacting her.. so this outcome was amazing. I'm glad I took the advise of my therapist. Guess it shows that sometimes they do know what they are talking about!

I have an appointment with her now next week, the day after i see the shrink, and an hr before i see the therapist.. going to be a full on 2 days.

Before i made that call, i was feeling really bad. I had drunk again last night, though i didn't drink till i was drunk. I didn't have enough here to actually do that. There was a moment where i was going to get the wine that was out in the kitchen, infact i even had it in my hand, ready to go, until i realised tht they were corked bottles… and i couldn't find my corkscrew. Then i decided that i could just push the cork into the bottle, and i'd still be able to have it. I was getting pretty desperate.. but i didn't.. and thats a good thing.

The whole episode is still playing on my mind. Though after the good outcome with Wendy, i'm feeling a bit ok; and a bit ok, is better than no ok.