As I sit here lying in formalwear, I think about how out of place I feel. The white noise I have playing in my ears is covering up the ringing that I have. I think it's my medication that does it, but probably my music I play, too. Even though I use protection and haven't played out much in months. I feel exhausted. I look exhausted. I actually need some rest, but I just don't want to take it because I have so much I feel I need to take care of before I do so. My necktie isn't dimpling under the knot, for whatever reason this tie just doesn't dimple right. I got my Armani today, too. What a nice tie. Contamination? Sure. But, that's contamination for ya. I feel like my OCD can either be seen as a separate identity that ravages me, or something a part of me. Honestly, I don't like being told it's not real. I know my problems. I'm not sure what is worse, Bipolar or OCD. They trigger each other. I for once need a day where I can sleep and wake up peacefully. It's getting more and more difficult to not fall asleep because I'm not willing to sleep. That in turn makes me tired. I just want to not sleep, because sleeping is defeat. I can't sleep right now. There is too much I must do. I can do this, but I need sleep. But, sleep is somehow defeat.

For those who wonder, my ego isn't inflated, I have confidence. Confidence is a choice, and it sometimes helps me feel better. When I get judged for being myself I take offense to that. Maybe you don't like the clothes I wear, or my opinions on certain subjects. Whatever. Would I embarrass you in person? Oh, well, that's just fine and dandy then. If you don't want to be around me you miss out on a good friend. That's how it works. I don't look in the mirror and tell myself I'm a horrible sucky person. That's a disgrace to the purpose of why I am here on this Earth.

Sure, life sucks. Sucky things happens. But, happiness stems from it all. Good things happen to those who wait I've heard. I've also heard good guys finish last. Well, lets put it this way…enjoy the race. I'm just going to enjoy watching. If we know the outcome of a race before it begins, why do we participate when we can do other, better things? Guess people aren't willing to see that pain is only temporary. But, who wants to see it like that? Not even I. Temporary is pain. Oh sleep, sleep take me away. Thank God for the trio.


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