Well 2011, you can piss right off. I think our time has come to say goodbye. And I\'ve got to say, I\'m really glad to see the back of you. At least I now know what features Idon\'t want in a year…

I learned a lot these past 12 months.. wasn\'t it just yesterday I was on another planet? Living a completely different life? It feels that way anyway. I\'ve written so many things that I want to share but the part of me low on trust says I shouldn\'t be so open on the net. So I guess this is the edited version… sorry if the vagueness leaves weird gaps.

This past year was probably one of my most diverse. It takes me a long time to get used to things, but I think I hide it well because not many people would know that about me. There was a lot of loneliness and change.

I\'m glad I risked the things I did this year; had I not, I\'d be forever questioning the \'what ifs\'. I wish at some point I had learned to trust my intuition more so I would\'ve been authentic with myself. Too many times my own thoughts were screaming at me to wake up and realize I was on the wrong path. I chose to ignore my instincts time and time again.. just like I\'ve done since I was 13.

Wholy pity party.

A few good and bad highlights of the year in no particular order: I\'m still a regular smoker; I created some very awesome artwork & wowed some of my clients; I\'ve been able to spend a lot of time with family this past six months; I stayed strong when my ex kept trying to get me under his thumb again; this was yet another year spent moving house a lot; I\'ve lost almost all confidence in myself and my work; I\'ve learned quite a bit about the environment; I lived with a bf for the first time in all my relationships (I ended it a few months later tho); I\'m very excited to be an aunty & godmother in March; despite many good intentions I am still disturbingly inactive; I haven\'t slipped back into a raging eating disorder during this stressful time; I\'ve been very hypocritical with advice; I\'m doing a horrible job at going out of business; I\'ve improved & maintained drinking enough water (2L/day); I\'ve been isolating almost completely from most friends, but have maintained an amazing connection with one; my finances are the worst they\'ve ever been; anxiety & depression are huge parts of my daily life again.

I\'m trying not to be a huge saddo that\'s bitter about the past. Really I am.

Music has been my saviour. As always.

I\'ve been trying to focus on the good stuff and seeing this point in my life as a field of possibilities. As a procrastinator who typically has troubles with decision making, my possibilities feel scary. And particularly important right now, considering I turned 30 this year & I\'m kind of starting from nothing. Again. Committing to more schooling feels risky but necessary… I\'m excited to learn though and remain positive that I will settle into an amazing career. Round one was just practise 😉