Novermber December 3rd 2010; one minute untill tomorrow
Greetings and Salutations.
My speeling is terrible. My words have a mind of their own. Sentence structures aren't really my thing. I'm bad at speaking. Even worse at breathing.
I am 15 years of age. Some say that is young. But after 15 years of life, I am already tired and weak. These days have been troublesome. I fight it with all my might, but it's hard to keep up with the tastetouchsmellsfeelingssights that seem to bombard me everywakingminute.
The depression has awoken.
It was a dormit beast for a while, allowing life to be bearable. Now is stures blinking the tired from its eyes, feeling refreshed and repetative.
I know what triggered this.
But that's for another day.
The depression chose me as its home when I was in 5th grade. Being around the age of 10. Mr. Riley was my teacher. She is a lovely person, takes in forster children with different ethnical backgrounds, and makes it a goal to teach each individual to their best potential. I was advanced. Her daughter goes to my brothers school now. For some reason, that sentence upsets me. My brother is wondeful, I love him beyond beleif. He love Nintendo and Pokemon and every thing eltse I do. I want to live for him. Tomorrow, I think we'll make breakfest together.
I don't want to feel this way.
It is as if my heart is a large burden weighing on my chest. The energy it takes for the rise and fall of my breath exaustes me eachandevery day.
My brother went missing once day. First day of school. First day of kindergarden. First day of the begining of his life. He didn't come home on the bus.
Do you know what it feels like to not know where your 5 year old brother is? The panic that instantly swarms your bodyheartsoul? The instant image of missing children you see on the bottom of the Sunday flyer, could be someone you know.Youlove.Youbreathfor.Youpraytogodyou'llseeagain.
And we did see him again, thankwhoeversuptherethankyousososososmuch, the stupidestfuckingschoolihatewithallmyburningsoul put him on the wrong buss. I shall neverevereverever forgive them for that day, that instant in which I thought I would never be able to live again.
Well, it upsets me just writing it. And so I shall stop.
I love you little brother. I promise to wake up tomorrow and make breakfast with you, and then play Resident Evil and kill zombies with you foreverandever <3
I should start to go to bed now. My bottom has become numb from sitting here, and she is not on.
I am thankful for you,