I wonder if its ever really okay to just sit here and let these emotions rule my actions. I feel so over whelmed, that I'm wondering… can I even muster the energy to try and fight against them all the time.
I feel like thats all I do. All day, every day I fight them off and brave everything and try to make people happy. I get things wrong and I feel I have to bury that upset and fear deep down, because thats how people cope. You have to focus on making yourself feel anything other than the anxiety, but is that right? Is there a time when we can just say NO. I cannot actually stop this from happening now, I'm giving in.
Then I find I've locked myself away, avoided all situations and sat dwelling. The whole time I feel guilty and even worse, but sometimes my body is physically telling me, 'No, you can't keep pretending you're fixed'.
What a completely delusional and twisted inner conversation I seem to constantly be having and a lot of the time I'm not even aware im supressing these feelings until they just creep over me and pin me down.
How I feel right this moment is a limbo. Do I push myself to get up, eat, socialise and be productive for the greatest good… or do I put on my pjs, crawl into bed and put all the lights off, speak to no one.
Honestly can't tell. So I sit still in thought for a while, not moving because I'm pre-judging every moment I might so happen to take.
It's horrible.
I guess I will have to take the better option.. of moving and eating. I can't face people though. I don't want to do anything.
Now I'm fully aware how ranty and whiney this blog is… and feel I need to apologise to you. It's just my form of reflection. When I hit a point, I come here. It's like a silent audience to my minds never ending thought process. I'm grateful to you though.
I guess I have to go now and see what happens next. Take a deep breathe and start off again.
It\'s absolutely ok to give in! Resisting and fighting anxiety only increases anxiety, so I find it quite ridiculous when non-anxious people try to tell people that struggle with anxiety to \”just fight through it\”. One exercise to effectively manage stress and anxiety is actually scheduling 2-3 10 min worrying sessions a day, where you just let it all out, whether it\'s crying, screaming, writing down all the irrational thoughts us anxious folk have (usually self-bullying thoughts like \”why am I so weak\” or \”what if..\” thoughts). Allow yourself this time each day, crying actually releases feel-good chemicals. But, it\'s important to stick to the 10 minutes so that we don\'t focus too heavily on the negative emotions, the goal is to release these emotions then say \”ok, I am moving forward with my day\”. When it comes to overcoming anxiety, it\'s a delicate balance between pushing your comfort zone and taking days to re-charge. It\'s important to find what works for you. AND to remember those recovery days are NOT failures, I had the hardest time accepting that but if you tell yourself something enough times you begin to believe it. Overcoming anxiety takes a lot of effort and a lot of courage