February 2nd, 2022
Hi Iris, whats up? I’m fine, just the usual issues with my parent, being ignored when in school (I must be invisible)… and I still don’t know who I am?!?…. any other trans teens out there?
How in the world do you get up enough guts to tell your folks that you can’t stand wearing boys clothes?
Don’t get me wrong, jeans and sweatshirts are super comfy. I get swallowed up in big tops, which is great. I am sure that the whole family got many glimpses of Iris when I played “dress-up” as a kid. Or displayed my discomfort of always having to be a boy! Skirts or dresses are fun to wear but only if I deal with the bulge first. All while “growing up” I could only dress (and live) as Iris at home.
Tucking is a challenge, especially where comfort is an issue. I don’t need to shave, thanks to Dad and the hormone blockers. I tried to use tape, taking that stuff off is so painful! Once was enough! Simple solution I’ve found is women’s swim bottoms, lined with spandex True, it took trying on dozens of pairs before I found ones that work (but this was fun). Tucking felt so foreign at first, but when I Look down there and it is all smooth, it is a real relief. I’ve been doing this for so long now that somehow I find it more comfortable when I am tucked.
Parts of this body have always felt foreign to me
Luckily there are plenty of padded bras out there, and thank god for online shopping (where else am I going to find a 44 “A” bra?). Q – is there a size smaller than an “A”? …the silicone bra inserts were a revelation! I was so surprised when I first started searching.
Also, leggings or tights are super nice when its cold outside and I can always say they are long-johns. Not that there are any humans nearby to see me…
I never know how I am going to feel in the morning, will I feel like a girl or like a guy?
Hugs – Iris
Hello Iris,
Although, no I am not a teen any more, I do recall school being very awkward for me as well. I had a small group of friends, but overall I was pretty invisible, and preferred it because I just wanted to be normal like everyone else.
Fast forward to college and really starting to question who/what I am, and continued to keep pushing down feelings that I feel people wouldn’t except. Even my girlfriend (now wife) didn’t know and shocked when I finally told her many many years later.
I can’t promise that you’ll know everything, body dysphoria is still a problem in old trans, gender queer, gender fluid from what I’ve looked up. I can’t promise people that are your current friends will understand or except you. What I will say is this, being older and finally addressing these feelings leaves a lot of regret.
So you really have to feel your feelings, get a group of people who will support you no matter who you are and don’t be afraid to lean on them when things seem rough. I know it is easier said than done, but health professionals will tell you that support systems are important.
I wish you the luck and happiness.