I don\’t know if I am really unsure of my when I am around people or my social anxiety peaks when I am around people. Actually it might be a good mix of both. When I\’m in a circle of people having conversations I always get a word or two in but really, I have this world inside of me that I never let out. Sometimes I just want to spill my guts over to any stranger or that would give me a minute of their time. It\’s not that I am a quiet person it\’s I feel unsure of what is about to come out of my mouth. Is it about the topic? Am I going to get laughed? Am I not smart enough to be in the conversation? Is what I am about to say even relevant to the topic? I become so unsure a little afraid that people will be little me and my words because my words may I\’m not up to par. I just want to be part of the community that i socializing. Since I was little…….I was quiet and an introvert and still am but I am not as bad as I once like in high school. I have so much to say about everything…………well…….almost everything.

 

Just about a year and a half ago I came out a gay and in high school I use to crossdress, and it was great. My parents really accepted me even though my father and I do not talk about it very much or at all, but I am fortunate to have my parents accept me. After a year and a half later I start telling people that I am Bi, attracted to both women and men and some time after I get told that their is this huge spectrum where everyone in the entire world fits into. Actually my therapist told me about it and look at it and till this day I am like where do I belong? I mean really? Than I come to the conclusion that I might be pansexual and some time after that I think I am actually gender fluid and I some day and night I dont identify with any sex. So I don\’t know how I got from the beginning of this paper to gender but that what I am dealing with now. Actually I am dealing with a lot more but I will save that for another day. Thank you for reading.

1 Comment
  1. brettlea94 3 months ago

    Hi there. Almost everyone experiences social anxiety at times. When we meet new people we do not know how to act/ react to them at first. We have to take it slow and learn how to communicate with people with different backgrounds, cultures, languages, and life experiences. In the United States, it can be more challenging because we have so many differences within our population. However, it also gives us great opportunities to learn new things and discover new ways of viewing the world. Also, maybe you sometimes want to talk to someone so much because you do not really express yourself fully to people when you do communicate, or because you do not talk to people that much. For instance, my grandma lives alone and does not really have many friends besides people she works with. Thus, some times when I see her, she overwhelms me with information about topics it seems she has been thinking about for months. She will talk about this, that, and everything else she has been thinking about for many months. I think, in my opinion, it is because she is not communicating these things on a regular basis. We are social and expressive creatures. We love socializing and expressing ourselves. One way to do this without even talking to someone is journaling. This allows us to communicate thoughts, feelings, and express ourselves in our own creative way. For instance, you might draw a picture or doodle with what you wrote. You might choose to write a list for upcoming events, chores, or things your grateful for. You can express emotions for events in the last couple of days. For example, you can write about things that happened that stressed you out and things that made you happy. Then, you can write how you will handle those issues or continue to experience those times of joy. Etc. Lastly, many people today feel sexually confused. It seems there has been a lot of support and movements aimed at sexuality in the last couple decades. My opinion on this is to experiment and discover what feels “right” for you. Do not let others choose who you are. The German philosopher Nietzsche once said: “you have your way and I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way……it does not exist.” (Nietzsche) Go explore, experiment, and discover…..”your way.” Have a great day.

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