By Charlie G
Stopped by a cop, my speed 97;
He said, “Boy, you in a hurry to get into Heaven?”
I replied, “Actually I am in a bit of a rush;
But I doubt that I'll ever see God's burning brush.”
Look, I know there's a God, why else do I fear?
And wipe away tears, as I drink from my beer?
I've been locked in a room called addiction, in the hotel of life;
After evicting God & my family; now I’m rooming with strife.
Always crying and shouting, with chaos and self-pity;
Coming from inside of my head; my own little city.
I've peered out the window, seen people passing below;
Striding with a purpose; and having somewhere to go.
People who've been knocked down, then get up and begin a new day,
After pausing, then kneeling, then beginning to pray.
I want what they have! I need what they've got!
I'm not asking for a Kingdom in Heaven, I'll settle for a cot.
God, I want some peace and some purpose! I silently cried;
When suddenly, inside of me, a door opened wide.
My head bowed as I stood, waiting to be chastened;
But to my surprise, what I received, was a realization.
I needed to ask for help, if I was to ever be free;
I couldn't do it alone; just depending on me.
But still I tried many times; I was Igor in his lab;
And the conclusions to my tests, always came up with ‘rehab.’
I finally gave up and surrendered, checked myself into detox;
Kicking the wall for three days, trying to get out of this box.
I finally finished with detox, weak now as a kitten;
I thought, 'I'd once been a Lion, before being bitten by addiction.
Now meeting counselors and clients, all the faces are new;
Then turning around & meeting myself, It's funny, but it’s true.
And though I didn't like who I was, I offered to forgive;
It was necessary – what I needed – if I wanted to live.
I didn’t use to feel good; but trying to not feel;
Now it was time to peel the layers, if I wanted to heal.
And those voices in my head? My own little city?
They had a name in rehab – they were called 'the committee!'
Everybody had them! They thrived on our self-pity;
Now I’m learning it was time – to evacuate the city!
In a group I heard one guy share, and I heard him tell my life;
Down to losing the job, losing the house, even the car & wife.
I’m learning to relax. To come to a consensus;
By finding God, cleaning house, & mending my own fences.
"A hopeless dope addict," That had been my name;
And I used to wear it proudly; carried by my shame.
But now like a horse running free, let out of its paddock;
I'm laughing and smiling – a dopeless hope addict!