I look around me and I want to do good for people, but I'm always the one to get hurt.  I see people in my family doing things like leaving things lying around, but when I do it it's like a crime and I get the cold shoulder and the angry look and the yell to pick it up. 

My middle sister is living with us at the moment…haha until she finds another guy to take her on and I confind myself to my room whenever she gets home, because she is so loud and doesn't listen.  She asks me a question and walks away before I can answer or starts talking about herself. 

To my knowledge I have not done anything wrong tonight, but in my family if anyone does something wrong it is taken out on me or if someone is in a bad mood they take it out on me.  If I'm in a bad mood I get yelled at to snap out of it. 

My OCD is leaning towards bad from average and my nerves are just twitering away and I just think of constant thoughts like 'I'm not going to sleep tonight, I'm not going to sleep tonight…'   

I've been sick the last week or more and I feel I'm getting sicker.  I think it is because I am run down and I know I have taken on too much.  I also know that if I gave anything up, instead of getting a 'good on you for realising how much you can take…'etc I would get 'See we tried to tell you. About time you gave something up.  You just can't do it.'

This is what makes me want to go.  My head feels soooo big right now, like it's going to burst.  I would get in my car and drive if I had somewhere to go, but I don't.  I think about tomorrow and how many commitments I have and all I can think about is 'Stay in bed Haley.  You can't face another day.'  I've planned to ring and cancel one place I have to go, which would make this the 4th time in 2 months.  And then there is dancing.  I have lost my love for my all time passion.  I have lost my love for everything.

Welcome to the wonderful world of Haley!!