I am scared. Fearful. Upset. I want to let the tears fall, but I don't much feel like crying tonight. It would be admitting doubt, and doubt is all kinds of fear to me.
Tomorrow – well…today techniquely… is the court hearing for my friend's dad to have custody of her so she can get away from her mother. Her mom is actually planning on not going, which is funny i think she'll just get herself in more trouble and not looking good in court. She already has to represent herself in court because no lawyer will take her, she has gone through 6 or 5 lawyers in the past few years. But I hope when/if she doesn't show, that her father has automatic custody of his daughter.
My friend so desperately wants to get away from her mom. she is confing her so badly, and keeping her away from anything that has helped her in the past. Her sister has taken complete control of her myspace and is looking at all of our old messages, and she saw the one where I sent her a video I found through To Write Love On Her Arms (an organization to help depressed people etc) and the video was about this place in japan where people jump off the cliffs, and there's this guy who patrols it and tries to stop people and he stopped one guy and now that guy is in a better place with his money and life and friends etc etc etc.
The video is about suicide prevention. It's about helping people. They thought I was trying to ENCOURAGE her to jump off the bridge she was planning on jumping off of. Why on EARTH would I do this!? She's my best friend. They think I have been giving her ideas to kill herself. Are they INSANE? Actually – scratch that…they are. The mother thinks in a past life she was engaged to her daughter (the mother was a make the daughter a female) and I was also a male that wanted the daughter so I killed the mother to get the daughter so I could have her all to myself, okay, this is fucking STRANGE. I can believe in past life stuff, but this? especially when she came up with this during a time where she thought I was seriously plotting on taking her daughter away from her…or something of the like…yeah….no.
I'm just scared now. I'm not an evil person. I've been fighting with that idea for years. And it's like they're trying to dismantle everything I have built for myself. I try to remind myself I am a good person, I am not evil. but it is hard sometimes. I know it's not true, so I'm going to live that way – it is not true. and move on. It's the only way to deal with it.
I'm also scared the mother will win. But she can't… There's no way. We have hand written proof that her daughter wants to get away from her mom and live with her dad. She doesn't want her daughter planning on leaving her, thats why. Or to lose her slave. There are so many people that can vouch that my friend's in a horrible environment with her mom. Her mom is all about herself, and she is lost in some some world of her own, and doesn't even consider her daughter who is my best friend. The way her mom acts is so….out there it is hard to describe.
i'm scared my friend won't get out of there. I'm scared they won't let me see her again. I'm scared that I'll get a restraining order put on me for talking to her unsupervised, (her mom has to supervise all the calls etc etc) but they don't have any grounds to put a restraining order on us anyways, we're not a threat! and they keep sending us letters that talk about the lawyer (that she doesn't have) and how they will get a restraining order if I talk to my friend unsupervised, or have any contact without her mother's knowledge. And another where it talks about heavily how I negatively impacted her daughter's life….
HELLO!!?!? I SAVED HER LIFE SO MANY TIMES! I helped her not to cut anymore, she doesnt want to cut anymore, why? Because I was there to support her and helped her realize she doesn't need that anymore in her life! Is that negatively impacting someone??? If it is, then I'm the devil. Now i'm gunna be left o think if I AM the devil, fuck OCD. But oh well. Life goes on.
I don't understand any of this. I don't understand why people are so confusing and crazy. I do not understand one tiny bit.
I hope everyone is doing well though