Maybe ts because i never kept in touch wih my friends on here. I cant unload any of the stuff anymore and i cant sleep and its the most horrible feelig. I feel like a goldfish grown too big for its bowl and i dont fit and im moulding into the sides. I feek paranoid like this life isnt real. I don't beilive it and the fact that there migt be a third conciousness like gof freaks me out even though beilivin in it is the only thig keeping me standing i think. I cant get out of this. If i did get out and everything was amazingly perfect i woyldnt take it i just want out of this horrible mind game that im being put through (life). But i could nevr even begin to even think about how to do it i just coyldnt even tty i feel trapped. Im so scared ofthe nothigness of death. We dont know enough to be able to live normally. Some people never think beyond school, job, car, family but im not like that i cant stop thinking negative philasophical things. Then again would it be more cruel for you to not exist at all? Im so terrified of death, really. Maybe if beilive life os made by someone and we wake up into somethig bigger it would ve easier to deal with i dont know. Dont think that im at risk of it but i do need out. Im really full of hate woth no energy aswell.its like my energy is reversed, i feel floppy and weak but its negative energy. I absolutely cant stand myself. I just want to be able to go to sleep wheni finish this blog because its the only escape from this consuming feelingthats comibg from within me as well. Ots not from the outside ts from me. Somethings changed in my body or something and its not right, it wont let me sleep, not that i ever could. I feel like i was meant to be an animal and not a person.. there thats EXACTLY HOW I FEEL! I feel like im cut out to hunt and survive like an animal rather than a human, im desperate for a fight in my head all the time, only ever physical. I cant do his whole human thig about image etc. It makes no sense, everyones about how others feel about them. Being a shark or somethin would be so much simpler but i wouldnt want to be a shark tjat would be rubbish. I dont even know if i can figure out how i feel anymore,

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