Last Monday in group thearpy.  (I don't like because everyone has diffrent issues.)  I told them what I think when I go to the eye doctor, the denist, to work, and they just didn't understand me. 

They started spluting out things they thought I was saying.  Such as being paranoid, which I am not.

I said I wouldn't get my eyes dilated because I think the eye drops are tainted.  I didn't even get the chance to say I also think my eyes will stay dilated forever.  I know the thoughts are silly, still I am terrified of the eye drops.  I do have a fear of going b . ind.

As for the denist I think he's going to mess up and get something jammed in my teeth, then I'm going to have to walk around with tools in my mouth forever.  Which I also know that doesn't make sense.

I don't get the numbing shot becuse I'm afraid it will never go away.

I don't like doctor injecting me with stuff but taking my blood is fine.  I think they are going to mess up and an air bubble will kill me.  Or that they are injecting the wrong stuff.  Or someone poisoned it.  Just like pills.  Someone could have tainted the pills.  Or I'll take to many mg.  Or I'll have an allergic reaction to it.

I think what made me mad what Luda said "Your not being your normal self" No, I just never talked about that before.  There are lots of things I haven't talked about.  Because they are embarrassing. 

Work would be fine if I didn't have to do so many extra things there.  The lights, the door knobs, counting, thinking, touching, praying.  It just gets so frustrated sometimes I just want to give up.  I want to walk off, quit.  Find a new job.  I know all this will follow me, but I can mask it better in the beginning,  I think because even though the thoughts are there, and the rituals pretty much stay the same, it's like doing them somewhere new doesn't seem as repetitive.  Even though they are.  IDK whatever


  1. breakthecircle 12 years ago

     Wow, we have so many of the same fears! I am terrified of going blind and I have such severely dry eyes I have to use eye drops ever 10 minutes. I am certain I will get an infection from them, and am terrified!


    Everytime my teeth hurt i think I am going to die from an infection that goes up to my brain and kills me. I am not afraid of tools, but I am afraid my dentist is using unsanitized equipment that will give me a disease.


    I can't stand lights in general. I am afraid of getting poor eyesite from my work computer. I hate certain noises too.


    Bah, cursed OCD!!!!




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  2. xray81 12 years ago

    Noises!  I have those too.  People with heavy breathing (I know it's not thier fault.  But I get thoughts of choking them that stick into my head until I remove myself from their presence.  Even then I still have the thoughts to some extent until I move on to something else.  It makes no sense.  This one guy is group does that and I have constent thoughts of hurting him.  Then I think I'm evil for thinking those thoughts.)  Snoreing!  I get thoughts of putting a pillow over their face.  So, I have to go far away so I can't hear them.  Loud Base music.  Barking dogs.  I get horried thoughts of hurting them that I can't turn off.

    I'm afraid of bright lights too.  I struggle to let the eye doctor poke that light in my eyes.  I think it's going to burn them.  Headlights at night.  It's endless.  And why!  lol

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  3. xray81 12 years ago

    Thanks Undead.  🙂  You too!  If you need someone to listen. 

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  4. xray81 12 years ago

    Yeah see I would like to have contacts but I’m afraid they will melt to my eyes and I will never be able to get them off, then I’ll get an infection, then go b . ind.  :O  I’m a freak… 

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